


Yellow Spring

by EverlarkAlways08



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:33:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23889793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverlarkAlways08/pseuds/EverlarkAlways08
Summary: My own envision on the moments leading up to the brief epilogue that is written at the end of the Mockingjay book. Katniss and Peeta, finding their way back to each other, working out on what exactly they feel.
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Kudos: 13





	1. Returned

Solitude. It's a funny thing on how different people view it. Some think of it as a relaxing way to figure things out. Some think it is a way to rethink past choices. To me solitude is the embodiment of rock bottom, it's where my insecurities like to taunt me, where the ghosts of my past await to cause me terror day and night. Solitude is the easy choice, it's easy for me to sit on my sofa all day, to just exist in a changing world without truly knowing how I feel about it. It's been months since the Revolution ended and the New Days began, the ice has long melted, only to reveal the lushes green grass which was left from the lovely Spring weather, at least that's what Greasy Sae tells me.

Greasy Sae is someone with a whole lot of patience, I despise it. With the patience she has, she's able to continue on going. Her granddaughter, Danica, is always far from reality but she seems to be harmless. Hearing Greasy Sae talk about the daughter she lost due to the District bombing, how it made Danica more absent to the world but... I can't blame her, it's a lot for a ten-year-old to grasp on to. Heaven knows I'm not doing any better. Sae tends to make me meals during the day, cleaning my house and Haymitch's in between. I don't touch my meals. Not until Sae starts giving me a deathly look, even then I manage only two scoops. I normally don't eat after two weeks of eating one of her meals. I don't mind the hunger.

Sleep is a rarity for me since I've gotten back. The threat of my loved ones dying and Peeta screaming at me that it's all my fault that he was turned on himself. I find myself waking up because of my own piercing screams that I'm sure Haymitch could hear but the thought doesn't bother me, only the aftermath of the nightmare overflows my mind, nothing in the world makes sense to pay attention to other than what my nightmare had consisted of.

I'm not surprised when Haymitch comes into my house the next day, it doesn't surprise me because he usually comes in after a night of nightmares like I had. We don't talk, we just sit in silence, never acknowledging each other but I know what he's really doing. He's making sure I'm still alive. That I didn't let the demons quite get to me just yet.

"Have you been able to hunt?" Silence. I ignore his words and continue to stare at the same cream coloured wall

"The District is getting rebuilt nicely. I see it walking to the train every Friday" I continue to stare. Not saying a word as Haymitch attempts conversation. He soon lets out a sigh before sinking back into the armchair that he favours.

Greasy Sae eventually coaxes him awake to eat the dinner she prepared, I stay seated while the both of them go into the kitchen to eat but I stay seated, blocking out all the needs to follow the delicious smell. Haymitch leaves right after eating and I stay right where I am, not touching the bowl of soup in front of me on the small table. Greasy Sae grabs her bag and sighs, taking in the tragic scene of my animatronic state probably depressing to see. She leaves with Danica mumbling to herself. The door closes, I'm alone.

The next day I jolt awake when I hear shovelling from outside. It sounds like it's right out my door. Curiosity wins me over and I move on shaky legs towards the door, my boney shaky hand lands on the door knob, slowly I turn it and pull open the door. I don't know how to feel when I see him. His hair is slightly longer but still blonde. His eyes are a lighter shade of blue but hold a hollow stare. I study his stance, he has a flower in his hand and the same ones in a wheelbarrow by his side. I feel the harsh yell rise up my throat until I realise that they aren't white roses that represent taunting and complete evil... far from it.

"I found them out by the forest... something to remember her by. It's primrose" I speak the first two words after not saying a word after months on end

"Thank you" it sounds weak in my ears, it makes me immediately turn back into the house and shut the door, his shovelling soon continues. I migrate upstairs, I take my first shower in months, I change my clothes after months. I sit back on the sofa just as Sae walks in with a slight smile on her face, I notice Danica not trailing close behind

"Where's Danica?" I ask, she goes to answer but is interrupted by a series of laughing, I slowly get up and go to the front window and my heart races for a moment as Danica is on her knees next to Peeta as he talks to her, a huge smile on her face as he does so. I slowly move away from the window and back on the sofa, this time I eat what is in front of me, suddenly feeling the affects of hunger. Not knowing the affect of his return that was slowly bottling to the surface.

I've started to hunt again. Tired of sitting down all day, wanting to be in a place of familiarity. After shooting a few squirrels, I sit on a large boulder which overlooks the lake, I can see far off into the distance, the trees that stretch on for miles. I think back to how comfortable it was for Gale and I to hunt together... I think back on those times and slightly miss it, the memories we last shared enters my thought process and poisons the last good memories I had of him. Remembering him agreeing to protect Prim leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I don't think I can look at him the same and I find myself believing that that's the reason he didn't return with me or come back for me. He knows deep down that he's partially to blame for her death, not entirely. I found that the most cowardly act was that he couldn't look me in the eyes and tell me the truth, to answer my question, after the years of friendship... and he couldn't answer a god damn question.

Even now her death seems so clear, I blame myself everyday. I could've prevented it from happening, I close my eyes and think about her soft blonde hair, bright blue eyes, her bright smile that seemed to brighten my day. When I open my eyes the tears start to fall and in this moment I'm okay with being alone, I don't want to be seen crying by anyone. I can still hear the bombs... the bombs that blew her, that took her from me... my best friend. I wipe away the tears angrily and stand up, turning around to walk back into the forest, not caring about my loud and angry footsteps, scaring the animals.

The titles in the town has been stripped from 'Merchant' and 'Seam'. I find my steps getting slower as I walk the dirt path of my childhood, I stand still as I watch the families that have decided to stay in their old homes but they look different. The parents are smiling and laughing, the children are running around, playing without a worry. I reach the familiar house, the house that survived the bombing... the house I grew up in.

Walking inside brings back memories, it's small but most of my memories are pleasant, my father sitting in his arm chair, Prim and I sitting on his lap as he sings to us, my mother sitting on the wooden kitchen chair stitching our clothes that have holes in them. The memories bring a pain to my heart, my father and Prim both left me because they were trying to take care of people and my mother left me because her grief was too much to bare, so instead she abandoned me to go god knows where. I go up the creaking stairs to the small hallway, I open the one door where the double bed lays, I sit on the mattress and rub the sheets.

"I miss you" I whisper. Prim and I spent countless nights just talking about our fears or what went on in the day. I held her as she cried after the death of our father. I reassured her every time she had a nightmare and I would do anything to just relive those moments one more time.

As I walk back to the Victor's Village, I frown at how much I hate these houses. Especially my own, I keep the office door closed every single day and I stay away from that room. I stop when I see him... he's sitting on a chair next to Haymitch on his porch, they're talking intently, Peeta senses it and his eyes turn to catch my own. We stare for too long of a time and he says something to Haymitch before rising from his spot. I'm frozen in place. It's too late to run because he's standing right in front of me.

"Hi, Katniss" his voice is soft and I forgot how much I missed this tone

"Hi" we stand in more silence, I'm suddenly uncomfortable

"I haven't been able to catch you since I've been back. I've been helping Sae with looking after Danica and helping her look after Haymitch" I really want to say something in anger but I can't say one bad thing to him

"That's great. It's good that you seem to be settling in well" he gives me a small smile

"It's good to be home. I uh... I wanted to ask you... would you mind if I joined you and Sae for dinner?" He asks

"Um... sure" I walk past him scowling at myself, what the hell am I doing? Why am I suddenly letting people join me for dinner. I walk into my house and find Sae cleaning the kitchen, I honestly have no idea what this woman thinks that I deserve this? I shake the thought and put my game bag on the preparation bench which causes Sae to look at me

"I got four squirrels. You can take two home"

"Thank you, girly. I sure hope you don't skin those things in this new kitchen" Sae points her finger at me, I roll my eyes before taking the game bag outside with my hunting knife. I return to find Sae already starting on dinner, I look at the time and my eyes widen. Peeta will be here soon and I'm covered in sweat and animal blood, it's not exactly a great look and smell. I run upstairs and into my room, I immediately go into the shower.

I look at all the ridiculous oils and soaps, why does one person need so much soap? I pick up one of the many bottles. Vanilla Shampoo? I flip open the lid and smell it... not a horrible smell. I continue my shower before I go through my draws to change. I dress in shorts and a deep green shirt, a little different from what I usually have. I walk down the stairs to find Peeta in the kitchen with Haymitch, Peeta hears me enter and gives me a small smile.

"I hope you don't mind that Haymitch came along"

"It really wouldn't have mattered if I said no. Haymitch tends to join if there's food involved" I scowl at Haymitch who grins back at me

"Any particular reason that you showered, Sweetheart?" He's teasing me but it makes it that much more embarrassing that he's right about the reason why I showered... instead I just roll my eyes and help Sae with dinner.

I don't converse much, Peeta is the one doing most of the talking but as he talks, I cant help but notice that there's a different look in his eyes. Before the Games his eyes had life in them, they were bright. After he got hijacked they were dark and completely the opposite of what I was use to. Now... it's hollow, it's hard to figure out because he looks so put together. Haymitch leaves after dinner and soon Sae rises from her seat then announces that she's leaving, my eyes widen. I catch her and Danica at the door, I'm about to be alone with Peeta for the first time since he's been back...

"Sae. Can't you stay longer?" I whisper

"You'll be fine, Girl. That boy has been looking at you all night" she grins before walking out, I let out a sigh and shut the door behind her, when I walk back to the kitchen, Peeta is scraping bowls and putting them in the wash basin

"I just don't want to leave you with all of this" he admits as he turns the water on

"No, it's okay. I'll dry and put them away" we stay in silence, Peeta washes, I dry and put away but both of us avoid our hands touching, the unknown tension that's obvious between us. We finish and stand in silence...

"I guess... I should head home" I watch his facial expression and I don't think before talking next

"Or... you could stay a little longer?" He gives a small smile and nods, we sit on my sofa in silence before he starts talking

"Dr Aurelius told me to tell you that you cant ignore him forever, he can only pretend to be treating you for so long..."

"I don't see any point in it. How is talking about the worst memories of my life suppose to help?" I scowl

"He's helped me a lot. I'm not back to my old self but I'm someone I can handle..." he leans back with a long sigh

"I'm so tired everyday" he groans

"You are?" I look at him with a raised eyebrow

"I can't sleep and my flashbacks seem tougher when I'm alone"

"You look so put together, I thought you didn't get any of that" he sits back up and stands his elbows on his thighs

"I get it all the time but Dr Aurelius helps me with strategies to deal with it in my day to day life" he explains

"Like what?"

"Make a list in my head for what I'm grateful for. After nightmares I paint, anything that I can think of" he replies

"Do your nightmares ever go away?" I ask

"No. I just... try getting through the day" he sighs, I slightly nod and lean back. At some point I fell asleep and the next morning I had a soft pillow under my head and a blanket over me... I couldn't help when the small smile appeared on my face.

Peeta and Haymitch make it a regular thing to join Sae and I for dinner, Haymitch and Sae usually leave which leads to Peeta and I talking, he talks about baking and painting, I talk about the forest and how much Haymitch hasn't changed. We avoid the topic that hangs between us, too afraid on what would happen if either one of us bring it up.

I'm walking back to my house and I'm immediately confused, Greasy Sae rushes out of my house all the way to Peetas. In confusion I follow her, I open his front door to find Peeta sitting on the couch with his hands balled up in fists. I turn to Haymitch who's talking to Sae in a hushed tone, he sees me and he immediately approaches me, taking my arm and walking me into Peeta's kitchen.

"You shouldn't be here, Sweetheart"

"Why? What the hell happened?" I scowl

"Peeta had a flashback, this one isn't good. He's having some trouble" I immediately scowl at him and walk past him, ignoring Haymitch's warning stare. I enter the living room, slowly I approach Peeta, being fully aware of what could happen if I'm not careful

"Peeta?" He squeezes his eyes tighter, I sit next to him and put a hand over his clenched one

"Don't let it win. Fight it. You're strong" I whisper, I repeat the words and soon his breathing slows down, his fists unclench and his eyes flutter open

"Are you hurt?" I ask not letting go of his hand and he shakes his head, I softly smile at him and we sit in silence, I look at Haymitch and Sae who leave to give us privacy

"It seems like it was a bad flashback today, maybe you should get some sleep" I tell him

"Can you sing?" His voice is so vulnerable, so broken, I don't have the heart to say no, so I nod, I lay a pillow on my lap before he repositions himself, I run my fingers through his hair before I start to sing

" _Down in the valley the valley so low_  
 _Hang your head over, hear the wind blow_  
 _Hear the wind blow love, hear the wind blow_  
 _Hang your head over, hear the wind blow_ "

Peeta is softly snoring before I could continue and carefully I slip from under the pillow so I can stand. I take one look at Peeta and sigh then I walk into the kitchen, I wasn't surprised when Haymitch followed me I prepare for the lecture that I feel coming. I can feel his eyes burning into the back of my head.

"What are you getting at, Katniss?" I turn at him using my name

"What are you talking about?" I scowl, crossing my arms over my chest

"Why do you think out of all places he came back here? His family died. I don't believe that he didn't come back just for an old drunk but I'll be damned if I let him stay here just because he's pinning over someone who can't figure out what she wants"

"You don't understand it, Haymitch" I grumble

"Oh, I do. I had a girlfriend once, a girlfriend who died because of my actions. I know a lot more than what you're going through. I care about you both which is why I'm telling you to stop sending him into a whirlwind. Figure out what the hell it is you want" his answer shocks me and I feel myself panic, I run past him and I don't stop till I get into my room, locking the door after me.

I stay in bed turning the pearl between my index finger and thumb. Scowling as I take in the events of today, Sae knocked on my door for dinner but I didn't say anything and instead I just stayed in bed. I'm pissed. Pissed that Haymitch knew me, that he was right... that I don't deserve Peeta in my life. It's times like this that I wish my dad or Prim were here, my dad would give me advice that only I'll understand and Prim would help me see the bright side.

When I hear the soft knock... I know exactly who it is. Sae's knock is very distinct and Haymitch never knocks, he just speaks. I don't know why he's come to even try because I don't deserve it... why does he never give up on me? Like everyone else has.

"Katniss?" I turn in my bed so that my back is facing the door

"I'm sorry if it scared you... I... please, let me in" I shut my eyes tight

"Well then you can just listen. I'm not leaving District Twelve, I have no where else to go, every other District thinks I'm a traitor. Even if they didn't I wouldn't leave, I remember the beach and what you said... we still need each other, Katniss" it isn't long when I hear another set of footsteps, Haymitch's mumbling to Peeta is soon heard and it isn't long till I figure out what exactly they were talking about

"She can't have us give up on her" he tells him harshly

"Now's not the time, Boy. Giver her space and time" Haymitch replies, Peeta sighs

"I'll give you space but just know that I'm always here to talk" with that he leaves, I can sense Haymitch lingering before his footsteps are heard as he descends the stairs, I let my thoughts take over, I let the nightmares come.

I spend weeks in my room, I occasionally open my door to eat the food that Sae would leave, only to retreat back into the safety of my room. It get's overwhelming when all I do is think... all day, Peeta done exactly what he said, he gave me my space and even though I know there was only so much he can do... he didn't even try, he just gave up on me. I know that I'm probably wrong but it doesn't stop me from thinking it, feeling abandoned.

Suddenly I'm fuming, I stand from the bed and yanking the door open after unlocking it. I don't have any shoes on, my hair isn't in it's normal braid but I don't care. I storm out of the house, not caring about the darkness of the night. His house is completely dark but I make it to the stairs, I open his bedroom door, the window is wide open and he's fast asleep. I don't think, I pick up the pillow from the other side and hit him with it. He jolts awake, I see him squint but he quickly turns on the light.

"Katniss? What on earth--"

"You gave up on me. You stopped coming" he looks at me confusingly

"Haymitch said--"

"No. It's got nothing to do with Haymitch. He may have went through something similar but he isn't the same as us. My whole life I've been abandoned, everyone but you had ever abandoned me until now. I'm so tired Peeta, tired of living, I have nothing else to live for" he reaches over and takes my hands

"I wasn't abandoning you... I just... I didn't know what you wanted, Katniss. You wouldn't talk to me, I thought it was because of me that you were locking yourself in there. My memories... they are still blurred but I know the feeling when ever I'm around you... you helped me with my flashback. I promise I won't make you feel like that" I nod, we stay in the silence, until he speaks again

"Did you want to sleep here? It's just... I kind of don't want you walking back to yours in the dark" he says, without question I take the pillow that I hit him with to the other side of the bed and I get under the covers, he turns off the light, I move into his arms, laying my head on his chest. Letting his calming heartbeat pull me into sleep... for the first time since I've been back I had no nightmares.

The next day I wake up in an unfamiliar room, I sit up in the bed and I'm alone but I notice I'm not in my bed... that's when last night comes back. I let out a groan, hoping to god that it isn't going to be awkward. Walking down the stairs I play through my head the possible possibilities that could happen but as I walk into the kitchen, Peeta is taking a pan off the stove, he puts the food that I'm so familiar with on a plate where others are stacked.

"You're up! I made special pancakes, the train this morning brought in my new ingredients" he grins I walk over and raise my eyebrows at the dark spots

"It's chocolate" he tells me. It's the first time I've had chocolate mixed with something else, we sit at his table and eat the breakfast he provided and my god... it was the best pancakes that I've ever had. I eat a total of four, when I finish my fourth, Peeta's eyes are filled with amusement and laughter.

"I'm sorry... I just can't remember the last time that I ate something that you made" I'm suddenly embarrassed with my eating habits

"No, don't be sorry. It's a compliment" he grins, I roll my eyes

"I uh... I think I want to talk to Dr Aurelius..."

"Oh? Um... you can use my phone, his number is on the paper on my desk" he takes my plate and I stand, I walk into Peeta's office which fortunately looks nothing like mine but there's a bunch of paintings leaning against the wall and some are covered by a sheet, I ignore my curiosity before going over to the phone. He picks up after the first ring but I can't speak after he says hello...

"Um... it's Katniss Everdeen" I mumble

"Oh! Katniss! Hello! What can I help you with?" He asks, I hold the bridge of my nose and let out a sigh

"Peeta told me that you help him deal with his past..."

"Well, you've come to the right place, let's get started, shall we?" I sit at the desk chair, preparing for the worst but I find myself feeling lighter the more we talk. The session runs out and by the time I come out, the house is empty but I find a note on the table.

_Didn't want to interrupt your call but I'm checking up on Haymitch_

_then I'm going to check up on Sae and Danica_

_Peeta :)_

I smile at the gesture before looking down at myself, am I really wearing this? I didn't bother putting on shoes? With an embarrassed groan I decide to leave Peeta's house to go to my own where I make myself at least decent looking and smelling.

The next few nights I sleep in Peeta's bed at night, have breakfast with him in the morning then I talk with Dr Aurelius on the phone. This routine goes on for weeks and it feels nice to finally have some sort of stability in my life. Haymitch is still wary but he keeps his nose out of it, we eat dinner together a lot now seeing as Sae can no longer find the time due to the hob being rebuilt and she is now reopening her stew stall.

"Look what I got today" Peeta holds up the letter as I chop up the meat I caught today

"Who's it from?" I ask

"Annie. Do you want me to open it?" He asks and I nod, he opens it before leaning his arms on the bench

" _Dear Peeta and Katniss, we may not know one another very well but we three shared a quality, we all in some way cared or even loved Finnick. This year has almost come to end in a few months, District Four is thriving without all the fear. I thought Katniss would want to know that her mother is training at the medical centre in the Capitol, she's training many young doctors and seems to be enjoying it. Gale is in District Two, part of command, helping to keep the Districts in line._

_We've all survived from corruption and are able live our lives. That's what I'm doing, I live my life here with my son who everyday reminds me of his father. We've all learned so much, but have suffered many loses. The only thing we could possibly do is to go on, take each day as much as we can. I hope the world is much more kinder to the both of you from now on as we all are well and truly deserving of that kind of life. Annie_ " Peeta comes around to show me the picture of her with her son and I smile

"He's definitely Finnick" Peeta smiles

"I think it'll help Annie cope from now on" Peeta agrees and I nod as I put a bowl of meat on the floor for Buttercup who has already started to get fat. Peeta and I watch Paylor's presidential ceremony on the television as we eat, Haymitch mentioning Plutarch in the background, just like he would, that didn't surprise me... at all.

I sit in the meadow, going over the new information I have, how my mother abandoned me and so did Gale, Gale I'm not too upset about, given our last encounter but a mother is suppose to look after all of her children no matter what. She hasn't called once just to ask how I'm doing or written me one letter, instead she's in the Capitol, the place where her daughter died, where my real life nightmares started. She chose to stay there rather than being with me...

"I thought I'd find you here" I look up to see Peeta

"How'd you know?" I ask as he sits next to me

"Looked like you were having one of those thinking days... I know I always want someone with me. Thought I'd be the person for you to lean on, in any way you want" his smile is soft and I move a little closer so that I can lay my head on his shoulder

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks, I want to say no, I want to say no so bad... but he's here, the only one who is here for me

"I just... my mom abandoned me... to live in the Capitol... of all places" Peeta takes my hand and entwines our fingers

"I guess we all grieve differently, some are stronger than others'. No disrespect to your mother but I think she's the kind of person who can only take so much going on in her life. That of course doesn't mean to just not acknowledge you" I lift my head so I can look at him and I know exactly what he's thinking...

"How much of your parents can you remember?" I ask

"Well, I remember my father was shy and didn't talk much to anyone, I know our fathers' would talk for a while before my mom noticed. My mom... I remember the abuse, I remember the bread again... how she gave me a black eye for it... I remember what she said when I got picked... how even though she would call you names behind your back, that even she knew that you were stronger. She was right" I look at him with a frown

"Peeta..."

"No, it's okay. I... I know that I would've died in there without you" I'm suddenly angry, how could he think that?!

"No! That's crazy! I... I wouldn't have made it that far either. I was good with a bow but I lacked in strength. I would've easily not made it if I didn't have you so don't degrade yourself off of what one person said, a person who never once showed you an ounce of kindness"

"I'm sorry... it's hard thinking of myself in that way. All I remember is slowing you down and getting captured..."

"Do you remember taking on Cato? Do you remember when you made sure that I was in front of you? What about when you warned Thirteen? If you ask me, I wouldn't have survived the Games without you, or the Rebellion" I frown, a small smile appears on his face

"I guess I was never use to being complimented or told that I was doing a good job. My dad was a nice guy but whenever my mom was around... I guess we both have another thing in common, both our mothers abandoned us" I reach across and kiss his cheek

"I won't abandon you, not again" I tell him

"I won't abandon you either..." he lifts our entwined hands and kisses my hand, we both sit in the Autumn air... it's starting to get cold and so we enjoy seeing the meadow as it is, enjoying each others' company.


	2. Puzze Pieces

It's been a year. A year since the rebellion ended. A full year without Prim. I can't seem to get out of bed, I don't want to get out. Peeta makes me food which he eventually gets me to eat but I continue to lay in bed. Not wanting to deal with the struggle of getting up everyday... the struggle of pretending I'm fine when I'm actually falling apart. I never imagined that Prim would leave me, I thought that I was successful in protecting her... I didn't think that I could fail. But I did. And I hate myself for it.

My mind keeps reminding me of old memories. The ones that break me is Prim's smile and her laugh. I think back on one of my favourite memories, it was a couple of weeks after our dad died and our mom shut herself out. We were both starving and scared so I sang to her as we laid in our shared bed, she fell asleep peacefully while I stayed up, unable to get over arriving at the collapsed mines, my mother on her knees as one of the men gave me a crinkled mining hat with ' _Everdeen_ ' on it. That memory wouldn't leave my head and so I hugged Prim closer. Making a silent promise that Prim will come first, she'll always come first.

"I came to check up on you" Peeta opens the door and I wipe my cheeks quickly

"I... I'm fine" _please leave me alone, go far away_. Instead of leaving, Peeta walks in, shutting the door and sitting on the edge of the bed

"You don't have to be so strong, at least not around me. I want to help, open up to me" I cant help it... it starts with deep sighs then the tears fall and soon the sobs escape my lips, Peeta immediately moves to pull me into his embrace

"It hurts! So much!" I cry

"I know... let it all out. I can help you" he comforts as he rubs my back, I grip his shirt as I cry. I cry so much that eventually my eyes grow heavy and the sound of Peeta's heart brings me to sleep. When I wake up I'm still in Peeta's arms, his warmth soothing my never-ending thoughts. I look up to be met with his soft blue eyes which is starting to look a little more whole as each day passes, he tucks a fallen piece of hair behind my ear and gives me a soft smile.

"How'd you sleep?" He asks

"Good. Peaceful" I sigh thankfully, without thinking I cuddle closer to his body

"Hold me a little longer?" I whisper

"Always" he replies holding me tighter. For the first time in days I will myself out of my bedroom and sit on the window sill downstairs, watching the snow fall as Peeta starts on dinner, I'm not a fan of the cold or snow but watching it from inside... it's secretly quite beautiful

"I made you some hot chocolate" Peeta gives me the steaming mug, I get up and follow him to the sofa, he too with his own mug, I blow softly before taking a sip and I make a noise of surprise. It isn't too chocolatey but still sweet and a hint of mint

"This is amazing..."

"It's an old Mellark recipe, since before the Dark Days. I add peppermint extract to it, only a little bit" he grins

"Well, it's tasty. And well mixed" I compliment, he chuckles as he sips on his own mug, we sit in comfortable silence as we watch the fire wave, making crackling sounds with the wood. For the first time I feel relaxed, I feel like I can forget about the grief... Haymitch like always joins just as Peeta is serving dinner. Peeta is the main one doing the talking, Haymitch grumbles answers while I try my best to answer his questions. When it's time to clean up, Haymitch takes that moment to go home which didn't surprise either of us.

"You're talking big game, Everdeen" Peeta raises his eyebrow and I shrug

"What? I think I could easily take you on. You're easy to distract" I grin

"Okay. What do you say we settle this?" He stands up and moves the small table out of the way, I stand up chuckling. I begin to analyse that I was talking big game because there's no way that I am taking him on and winning...

"Don't hold back, Mellark" I warn

"I won't" he grins. I know it's a lost cause, as soon as we start he has me on the floor in seconds, pinning me down with a huge grin

"You were saying?" I scowl up at him, I try thinking of ways to distract him but none come to mind... until it crosses my mind, I hope to god that this doesn't backfire. I yank my hands out, seeing as his grip wasn't that strong, I grab the neck and pull him down to kiss me. He lets out a surprised sound, it's a couple of moments before he starts kissing me back. I don't know how long we kiss for but I turn us over, pinning his arms under my legs before breaking away

"I win..." I watch as his eyes slowly open

"Wow... that's just cruel" he mumbles, I smile before bringing our lips back and setting his arms free, his hands stay on my hips until we break away again

"Why'd you do that?" He asks

"Because... you're here. You came back to me. You never left me... and because you got me through the toughest day of my life" I explain, he smiles

"So, what does this mean?" He asks

"I don't know... maybe... star crossed lovers... without the cameras'" I climb off Peeta after he stays silent for a moment and so I stand, shit. He doesn't want to be like that. I'm so stupid!

"Oh my god... I'm sorry. It never crossed my mind that you didn't even want to be like that again. I'm an idiot" I sit on the sofa with my face in my hands, I hear him move around and sit next to me, he moves my hands and gripping my cheeks softly

"If you had asked me when I got back... I would've been conflicted but... the weeks after I was home, all I wanted was to be with you in that way just like before, only more real and much more stronger" he explains

"You really want to?" I ask

"Desperately" he smiles, kissing me softly.

It takes weeks for Peeta and I to finally be comfortable with the dynamic of being with each other officially, even Haymitch admits that it's weird to see, before grinning and adding that it were bound to happen, that he wasn't surprised it hadn't happened sooner. Other than that, the transition into being much closer than we were was much smoother. Soon I'm not awkward when Peeta hugs me from behind and kisses my cheek, I'm not so surprised when he kisses me during the day and he grows less surprised every time that I kiss him.

"You know, Spring has always been my favourite season" Peeta sighs as we sit in the meadow, surrounded by lush green grass and beautiful wild flowers, I crane my neck to look up at him

"Spring is my favourite weather too. Perfect to go hunting" I reply and he chuckles, pulling me closer to to his chest, he lays his chin on top of my head

"I uh... I was thinking... if you wanted to... for us to become closer, I was wondering maybe..." I turn to look at him to see just exactly how nervous he really is

"It's okay, you can tell me" I reassure him, taking his hand

"Maybe... we could share something that we never told anyone, just thought it'd bring us closer and maybe take some weight off" he suggests, I know exactly why he's nervous because if he had asked me that question before all this, I would've yelled at him that it's none of his business but after everything we've been through... it'd be stupid to not trust him, after everything he's done.

"Okay..." the nerves immediately lift, he suggests to go first

"There's memories that are still a little foggy but... there is one that has recently come back. When my mom was still alive... her abuse... it made me not want to be alive... that day I saw you in the rain was the day I was going to get myself killed by a Peacekeeper but I saw you... you were so strong, you didn't even make a move to ask me for the bread... you made me stronger, stronger to put up with it just until I was old enough to leave" I kiss his hand in comfort but remain quiet to let him continue

"It was the same in the Capitol but I couldn't bring myself to do it, every time I would convince myself, your smile, your laugh would be in my head, completely stopping me from making a stupid choice. I never even told that to Dr Aurelius..."

"Peeta... that's how you're strong. You hid it so well that none of us even thought you were thinking that"

"I guess I just needed to get it off my chest... you don't have to go if you don't want to though. I'll understand" his gesture is sweet but after he shared something like that? I shake my head before sitting up, turning my body to face him

"Sometimes... I wished that my mother and Prim... died before the Games. I always felt conflicted because I wouldn't have recovered from losing her but also... I hated her starving and not knowing how to deal with it. I go through some days forgetting that Prim died... every time I feel like the worst sister in the world. Prim was my world... how can I think like that?" Peeta squeezes my hand reassuringly

"I find that I blame myself for her death. Everything that happened to her, to Finnick is all on me. I'm the reason that they died" Peeta brushes away the stray tears and softly moves my face to look at him

"There is nothing wrong with that, Katniss. You'd rather her out of pain rather than suffering slowly and her death... it wasn't your doing. Prim died a hero, she died helping others', helping the Capitol citizens and children, citizens and children that Districts were known for despising, people will know her by her bravery. As for Finnick, if he hadn't saved you? What world would we still be in? A world where his son will grow in constant fear, where everyone is starving or going off into the Hunger Games. He knew that you needed him in order to survive, he knew that you were the answer to everything which is why he sacrificed his life so that you could live" my heart is racing by the time he's finished talking.

His words somehow make me look at the situation differently, I knew that I could count on him. This is why Gale and I would've never worked... I never would've admitted that to him, he was a good friend but very much like me. He would've reacted like it was a crime to think that way about family, about close friends but not Peeta... he makes me see the other side, the right side.

"You're right... I definitely feel lighter" I admit, he smiles and pulls me closer

"You know, I never realised how much I enjoyed seeing you in a dress until now" I roll my eyes but my smile pulls my lips upwards

"Shut up" I laugh as I push him down, he chuckles and holds my hips firmly

"Katniss... I know I'm not perfect and I don't deserve this but I'm going to try my hardest to make you happy" I lean down and kiss him

"Neither am I but I will try to make you happy to. Can't promise that I won't be a pain sometimes" I warn

"I can't either" Peeta chuckles pulling our lips back in for a kiss.

Peeta and I fall into the dynamics much quicker after that and by the time we're fully comfortable, we've been together for about six months and it's been the happiest six months that I've had in a very long time. Peeta starts drawing more often if we're ever relaxing, whether we're sitting in the meadow or inside, he'll draw any scene that he sees but I seem to be in every one of them, he made the excuse that I'm always in every scene that he sees. I just rolled my eyes when he said it.

It takes a while to convince me but I finally agree to walk into town with Peeta to the train but I hold tight onto his arm, I've put off walking through town, always taking the long way to the fence, avoiding everyone in the District. Afraid of their judgement, the accusing looks... I hate knowing that I let the entire nation down.

"Maybe... we should go back" I stop my walking and drop my hands from his arm but he's quick in gripping my hand

"We're already halfway to town. I'll be right by your side, slaying one demon at a time, this is the next step in moving on but... if you want to go back then I'll walk you back and go myself, I'll understand" he reassures me, I look into his eyes, nothing but the truth... I nod and kiss his cheek

"Just tell me if you feel uncomfortable and we'll go straight back" he tells me as we continue walking. As we enter town, I look around in amazement, a new Justice Building is already halfway built while other stalls and homes are being built around it. Just like it were before but the only thing that's different... people are smiling and laughing as they help out with the different constructions and it makes me smile. I look next to me to not find Peeta with me, I look around to see him slowly walking off and so I follow him, he stops at a fallen building then falls to his knees. I immediately know where we are...

"I never got to tell my mom... I never got to tell her that I forgave her, that I still love her" he grabs some of the debris that is scattered everywhere, I put a hand on his shoulder

"I'm sure she knows, where ever she is" I reassure him, we stay in silence until Peeta lets the debris fall to the ground, he stands then wipes his hand on his shorts

"I'm sorry... I didn't know what to say to make it all better..." I frown

"No, don't do that to yourself. You being here is enough" he gives a small smile and gives me a quick kiss. We eventually get to the train and I help Peeta load our supplies into bags, this time I hold tight to Peeta's arm on our walk home, I listen as he talks and watch as his smile is automatic whenever he talks. It makes me see just how much we really need each other, I gain the courage to look around as we walk through town, every eye that I meet have a different look but they always greet me with a small genuine smile, it feels uplifting to know that everyone is welcoming me into the District, it's like I can finally start living a proper life.

That night Peeta jolting awake wakes me from my sleep, I automatically pull him back down so that his head is laying on my chest. I start running my fingers through his hair, humming a soft tune of a District song. I wait until he wants to talk which is something new that we have created, we stay in silence, soothing the other until we are able to talk about it.

"I saw it... I heard them screaming my name... then... you were in there with them... I was alone" his voice is fragile

"We both know that I'm no good with words but I'll try. Your family loved you, maybe you couldn't tell but they did. Just know that I know what kind of grief you're going through... it's okay to show how it's affecting you to me. I'm here" soon he lets out a round of sobs, I hold him tight, allowing him to let go, let out all of his troubles that he's been holding in for god knows how long

"I'm here... it'll be okay" I whisper, running my fingers through his hair, eventually soothing him back to sleep. I feel myself falling deeper for Peeta in this moment, as he openly shows me that he too is just as vulnerable as I am... it proves just how much he trusts me... how much he cares for me. It's terrifying how I feel the same way.

Peeta and I continue to grow more closer, I also learn to open up more to him. Something Dr Aurelius told me could help with dealing with the past, Peeta always listens whether it's after a nightmare or I'm just having a rough day. He also never fails to look after me when thinking of Prim not being here brings me down, keeping me inside and in my bed but Peeta makes sure I'm eating and at times he'll just come in and lay in bed with me, holding me for my own comfort.

I wake screaming from the same nightmare... it always is this time around... seeing her die right before my eyes and having her scream that it's all my fault, that her death was caused by me, that I couldn't protect her. Peeta sits up, immediately rubbing my back, whispering comforting words... I look over at Peeta, he's here... he could leave me and sleep but he's choosing to stay up, soothing me. I know that no one could ever make me so vulnerable but strong all at the same time, I grab the back of his neck to kiss him, he returns the kiss but a familiar feeling of hunger starts bubbling deep inside me, I reposition myself so that I'm straddling his lap.

"Katniss, what are you doing?" He looks at me confusingly

"I just... you're here and it's... well, I um... we've been together for a year now and..." I take off my night shirt to reveal my brassiere, I watch as he gulps

"Umm... I... I... don't have... anything" his tone is pitched higher than normal and I grin

"Well, we can do... other things... until you get something" I can feel how this is affecting him... I should feel embarrassed... but I'm not

"I don't know maybe... uh... I mean are you sure? You shouldn't feel pressured just because--" he stops talking when I take off my brassiere

"You were saying?" I grin, I let out a squeal when he flips us over

"You really don't understand how much I'm holding back" I run my fingers through his hair, we kiss passionately but then his hands cautiously and slowly move up my bare waist, they stop just below my breasts, with a frustrated huff, I drag his hands on them

"Make me feel good. Don't ask... just do it" I beg, I feel his grin on my neck, his hands begin kneading then and now I know how that dough must feel... my god. To say that he pleasures me is an understatement because by the end of it we're both panting and fully satisfied, both of us just as pleasured as each other.

"Wow... I don't think... I've ever been this dazed before" Peeta concedes, I cuddle closer to his warm body and kiss his bare chest

"Mmmm, neither have I..." I whisper interlocking our fingers, he takes a nervous breath

"You... love me, real or not real?" I smile and bring his hand to my lips before looking up at him

"Completely real" he smiles before kissing me

"Up for it again?" He asks innocently and I laugh

"Always for you" I tell him, giggling as he kisses my neck.

When I wake up, Peeta isn't in bed with me but there's a note on his pillow, I pick it up to ready it, _gone to put in an order for the train... I shouldn't be too long- Peeta_ , I roll my eyes at the heart next to his name but I sit up with a sigh, looking around the room with a soft smile as I recall last night... the nightmare... the comfort... his hands, his lips, his body... I shake my head before getting out of bed to have a quick shower.

I walk downstairs to see Haymitch walk in the front door with Peeta, I walk the rest of the way, Peeta greets me with a smile and a small kiss before putting his arm over my shoulders, Haymitch just shakes his head and lets out an amused huff

"Damn kids..." he walks off, leaving us alone

"You left me alone this morning" I grin, kissing his jaw

"I didn't have the heart to wake you. You looked so peaceful... besides... I uhh... ordered... the thing..." his face is bright red which leads me to believe that there's more to this story... then it clicks, I smack his chest

"Peeta! You told him?!" I'm careful for it to be a whisper but I'm still annoyed

"I didn't! He took the paper from me and saw it but all he knows is that they're getting ordered... he doesn't know about last night... trust me, that's between us" he reassures me, I let out a sigh

"Thank you... for last night" I tell him and he smiles

"No... thank you, Katniss. I've dreamed of that my entire life... it was better than I could've imagined" his confession makes me chuckle. "Although, I should probably start lunch, that's all Haymitch could talk about" Peeta rolls his eyes, I grin while following him into the kitchen where an impatient Haymitch waits.

I walk through town to get to the fence this time, I reassured Peeta that I would be fine and I am. Peeta understood that I needed time to myself, to be in a place where a part of my old life will always be, on my way there a girl runs into me but not any girl.

"Katniss!" Posy hugs my legs and giggles

"Hi, Posy. You're getting big now" I chuckle, I look up to see Hazelle approaching, Vick and Rory by her side

"Katniss, dear. It's been a while" I nod in agreement, since Gale and I's last cold encounter, I've made a habit to avoid running into his family, I don't want to know what Gale told them and honestly... I don't care

"How great is this? Rory has started working with Thom in helping rebuild our town, its reassuring that he can busy himself during the day" I smile at her and look to Rory who can barely look at me

"Rory..." his mother scolds

"Mom... I'm sorry... I can't, I see her in her face. It's too hard" Rory kisses his mother's cheek before rushing off, Hazelle sighs

"I'm sorry, he didn't take the news lightly... he hasn't talked to Gale because of it" she frowns

"I'm sure it'll cool over" I tell her

"Katniss, why don't you come over with Gale anymore? Do you not like us?" I look down at Posy and sigh

"It's not that... Gale and I... well, something happened and I was mad at your brother but I also have other things going on" I tell her

"Like Peeta Mellark?" She giggles, I chuckle and squeeze her nose

"You should go on with your mom and brother" I grin, she skips over to Hazelle who sends me a small smile

"I hope nothing but happiness for you, Katniss" she says before walking off, I continue walking and let out a breath, at least that encounter is out of the way... it does make me happy that they look happy... that they're for once able to live the lives they should've had before.

I hunt what I can but it isn't much, due to the icy air and the soft but cold snow covered ground, there aren't many animals to hunt but I still take my time and remember the memories I had with my father out in the snow, our footprints covered just as quick as they were made. The way that he told me to never hunt the vulnerable when hunting, especially in this weather. He taught me many other things, a lot of them none hunting related... in a way, he saved us because he made me strong... just like he was.

I walk through in thought, so in thought that my foot falls into a small hole but deep enough for my ankle to twist, I let out a yelp as I pull my foot out. I use a nearby branch to stand, I grit my teeth but I try ignoring the soaring pain... I've had worse. The more I go on, the more the pain goes on and I collapse under a tree, my ankle is throbbing and I know it's bound to be swollen, I put on some snow over my boot, hoping the cold would sooth it but it hardly makes a difference.

The sky becomes darker and darker which for me is a bad sign, I try standing on my foot again but scream out in pain before falling down again. Just as my life seemed to be changing for the better... I take back what I said... I don't want to die. I can't die now, I can't leave Peeta like this. My new life has barely started, if I die now then he'll be forever lost and no one would be left to truely save him.

Darkness arrives quick and I can hear distant yelling but I'm too cold... I'm shivering, my whole face and ears feel numb. The yelling eventually gets louder and louder, I can even see distant lights, I try calling out but my voice cracks, all I can do is sit and hope that they find me. Soon, a bright light is shining in my face and I see a man I don't recognise, his eyes widen.

"Over here! I found her" I hear him before I see him, Peeta doesn't hesitate in wrapping a blanket around me

"My ankle..." I croak

"It's okay... everything is going to be fine" he carefully picks me up, walking past everyone and their worried whispers but it doesn't affect me... because before we reach the fence my eyes slowly close, Peetas muffled voice being the last thing I hear.

I wake up coughing and feeling extremely hot, I look around to see that I'm on my couch, in my sitting room. I look at my ankle on a pillow with a cool press on it but it's all purple, I lay back down and let out a groan, Peeta then comes rushing in.

"I knew you'd wake up... oh my god... I thought I was going to lose you" he blinks away his tears and takes my hand

"How long was I out?" I mumble

"Almost two days" I look to see my mother standing there with a steaming mug

"I'm sorry, I panicked. I--"

"It's okay, I'm not mad" I reassure him

"I came as soon as I got the call. You suffered from a quite severe cold, your ankle should be fine, it's healing well" she walks in further but I don't know what to say... what can I say to the woman who abandoned me, the woman who should always look after her child, no matter what.

"Thank you... I suppose" my scowl stays on my face and eventually she excuses herself so that she can go into town, leaving Peeta and I alone

"I didn't know who else to call..." he frowns, I motion him closer and he lays with me on the couch, I comb my fingers through my hair and grin

"I guess I have no choice but to let you look after me" I kiss his cheek and he sighs

"You have no idea how terrified I was... I knocked on every door I could... thankfully everyone cared enough to help" he explains rubbing my arm affectionately

"I... love you, Katniss" he whispers, I smile and kiss him

"I love you" his eyes light up and he kisses me, a wide smile on his face.

I'm bedridden and my mother sticks around, checking up on me while Peeta spends every night with me then he brings me meals but I easily get bored and I'm already itching to go to the woods but last time I tried standing Peeta got annoyed, telling me that once my foot gets better I can do all the hunting that I want. I wanted to yell at him, I even didn't speak to him for a whole day until I had let out a loud sigh, waking Peeta up from his sleep to apologise which led to us kissing... a lot and then some other things...

Peeta runs out to go to the train which leaves my mom to take the chance to be alone with me, at first she avoids coming in the room. Staying in the kitchen to mix up herbs, I let out a bored sigh, that's when my mom walks in with a steaming bowl.

"Make sure you eat up" she gives me a small smile, I reach over and grab the bowl, I want to reject it... but my stomach disagrees. With a groan I begin to eat, she returns to take the bowl and I can't help myself...

"Why'd you abandon me..." she looks at me shocked

"I... abandon you?"

"Don't deny it. Because you did. Why'd you even come back?" I scowl

"People deal with grief differently... my idea is normal, or so I thought" she sits next to me but I move further away

"So you deal with it by abandoning me to the Capitol, of all places. The place where she died. You didn't call once, shit you didn't even write a letter" she looks down at her hands with a frown

"It's hard when you have so many reminders here" she mumbles

"Like I said and the Capitol is any better? You know I don't understand why you even bothered coming here, I was on the verge of death when I came back and that isn't an exaggeration. Do you know who was there for me? Who got me out of it? Peeta. I need him more than anyone" I scowl, she slowly stands and quietly leaves the room.

After telling Peeta about what happened, he had let out a sigh before talking to me about what things may look from my moms side and like always, seeing the good in people. I surprise myself when I join Peeta in walking my mother to the train station, the entire way Peeta makes conversation with my mother while I stay quiet. When saying goodbye, it surprises us both when my mom hugs him but once he comes to my side he pokes my waist, I look at him with a scowl but he just grins.

"I called the medical centre in the Capitol, they have agreed to transfer me to the one in District Four. I'll be much closer that way, I will write to you once I'm settled" she explains, I'm surprised by her statement

"Oh? Well, I guess I'll see you soon" I reply

"Take care, Katniss. He's a good man, much like your father. Loosen the reins a little" she smiles, I feel my face heat up

"See you later, mom"

"Yes. Definitely" she smiles picking up her bag

"Look after each other" she says before walking onto the train, I feel Peetas arm over my shoulders as the train roars to life and moves forward

"I'm proud of you. You're opening up just enough" I look at Peeta who kisses my cheek, I look at him and I immediately confirm that no one else could ever make me feel the way I do other than Peeta and so on our walk back home I hold tightly to his hand, listening as he tells me anything and everything.

I wake from an especially terrifying nightmare, the kind where I can't seem to tell him what it was about, I sit up in bed which causes him to do the same and he affectionally rubs my back. I control my breathing until I can finally compose myself enough to start talking.

"I'm sorry..." I sigh

"Don't be sorry, really, I don't mind" he reassures me, I look at him and his blue eyes still visible, only the moon being our source of light. He looks handsome but more mature than when we had the first two games. I reposition myself so that I'm straddling his lap, I wrap my arms around his neck and bring our lips in for a slow but passionate kiss.

"Katniss... we can't when you're in pain" he sighs

"I'm not in pain... please, Peeta" I tell him desperately, he nods and brings his lips back to mine before flipping us over, both of us smiling through our kissing, he takes off my shirt and I take off his

"My nightmare... it was me losing you..." I whimper as he kisses down my neck

"I was so afraid that it was real" Peeta comes back up to my lips

"Well, let me show you just how much of a dream it truely was" he unclips my brassiere and throws it across the room, we take our time in exploring one another, whispering words of affection to each other

"I just want to try something before we do it..." he whispers, he begins kissing down my body and my heart begins to race as he disappears under the thick blanket, I go to stop him until his mouth makes contact, I let out a squeak which transitions to a moan which then turns to a pleasuring sigh. My fingers grip his hair, holding him in place as I express my pleasure in sounds that I've never made before.

"How was that?" His grin is plainly on his face as he comes back to my face

"Where'd you learn that?" I ask out of breath

"Well... my middle brother liked bragging a lot on the women he slept with" he explains

"So... this'll be the first time for you?" I ask

"First of everything, so I can't promise a special experience" he frowns

"With you... it's special enough" I smile, his kisses my nose before reaching into the draw, pulling out a square plastic material. He's quick in putting it on and then he looks at me

"Are you really sure that you want to?" He asks

"Never been so sure in my life" I whisper, he nods before adjusting himself, it's uncomfortable at first... having something so big and foreign inside me but he continues his thrusting at a slow rate, changing his position to try and make sure I'm comfortable but as he continues, I let out gasps of pleasure, the uncomfortable feeling is no longer present, my nails dig into his back and I whisper things into his ear, things that I'll only ever say to him.

"I've... I've always dreamed... of having you like this" he concedes

"Well... it isn't a dream, I assure you" he changes the angle to thrust upwards which then causes me to cry out, completely letting go. His thrusting becomes faster before he cries out my name, finishing himself into the protection, he falls to his usual spot on the bed, his chest rising and falling in a fast manner, he gets up to dispose of the protection and returns to his spot in the bed, pulling me into his embrace

"I'm sorry if it wasn't what you were expecting" he mumbles, I lean on my side and furrow my eyebrows

"What? It was much more than that. It was so much more... it was completely magical. I loved every minute" I kiss his chest but I don't stop, I kiss up his neck and all the way to his lips, I move to straddle him, he grabs my hips with a wide grin

"Want me to show you how much I loved it?" He nods enthusiastically and I shake my head with a smile, this is going to be an interesting night...

The next morning I wake up with Peetas warm body pressed up against mine, I smile as I remember last night and I smile wider when I start feeling him kiss up my neck. I let out a hum of satisfaction, he nuzzles his nose in my hair and lets out a content sigh.

"Last night was mind blowing" he sighs, his arm slipping under the blanket to make contact with my centre, I let out a pleasurable moan

"You didn't have enough from last night?" I tease

"Mmm, nope" he grumbles

"Peeta" I laugh, I turn in his arms to see his face, a boyish smile on his lips, and just like that we're at it again, our hormones getting the better of ourselves. We do it again after breakfast, a hunger that never seems to go away, eventually I have to leave, wanting to go hunting but mostly to wrap my head around at how intimate Peeta and I's relationship has gotten since he's returned.

I sit on the usual boulder that over looks the deeper part of the lake as I let myself just relax my mind. I never had any desire to sleep with someone, mostly because I was fighting for my life and others', there was never the desire to be like that with anyone, especially Gale. It all changed when I kissed Peeta on that beach... suddenly it was a possibility but the feeling left just as quick as it came. After Peeta was rescued... I didn't know who I was or what I was doing because at the time Prim was safe, my mother was becoming a person again but the day Peeta got rescued... I realised that he was the missing piece to my puzzle and it terrified me, part of me knows that's why I distanced myself.

A memory suddenly appears in my mind... it was when Gale and Peeta were talking in the basement. Peeta less dangerous and more confused, Gale who was less confused and more dangerous but he saw something in me that Peeta nor I saw. I know the answer to what he told Peeta that night, I can't live without Peeta. Gale is filled with too much rage, his fire burning much higher than mine ever did but Peeta is the cooling system that keeps me from going out of control, he's a dandelion springing free in the Spring sun.

"I've got something to tell you" Peeta mumbles against my neck, pulling my nude body closer to his, I smile and hold tighter to his arm and sigh

"Okay"

"I was thinking... I want to rebuild the bakery. Rebuild it just how it looked before, in the same place. What do you think?" He asks, I turn in his arms and smile, putting a hand to his cheek

"I think you should do it. It'll be good for you" I tell him and he smiles

"I've been doing some thinking of my own too..." I grin

"And what's that?" He asks rubbing my hip

"I was thinking... you should... maybe... live here... with me" I mumble

"Really?" I look up at him to see his bright smile

"I mean you sleep here almost every night, so many of your things are already here and a lot of your clothing is in my draws and closet... not to mention getting to sleep in the same bed indefinitely..."

"You had me at living with you. Hell, I'd want nothing more" he pulls me in for a kiss turning us around so that he's hovering over me

"Wanna celebrate?" He grins

"Okay, how do you want to celebrate?" I tease

"I think I know a way" he grins sliding under the blanket. Once we get ready for the day, I help Peeta move the last of his things from his home to mine, Haymitch just sat on his porch and only pokes at us that its looking pretty serious which I just scowled at. Soon my house is filled with Peeta, his things a long with my things in the house, old photos next to mine, it feels uplifting to know that I won't have a moment completely alone in the house anymore.

It always made me smile when Peeta was sketching what he wanted his bakery to look like, Thom was extremely kind when Peeta approached him about getting the bakery rebuilt. Peeta is passionate every time he explains the extra touches that he will put into it, extra touches that makes it his own. I slowly open the door to the office, it hasn't changed and it feels cold, the vase of dead roses are still there...

"Haven't seen you in this room before" I look behind me to look at Peeta who stands in the doorway

"It's the first time that I've been in here since I got back... it's always hunted me..." I mumble

"Well... maybe we could turn it into a painting studio... take everything out... turn it into something new" he explains, wrapping his arms from behind me, I turn in his arms

"I'd want nothing more" I brush some of his hair from his forehead and smile

"But first..." I squeal as he lifts me and makes my legs wrap around his waist. "We should get rid of the old memories" he grins sitting me on the desk, bringing our lips in for a slow but passionate kiss. We don't have long to recover from our orgasms when we hear the front door open, we have to quickly adjust ourselves but even then it's too obvious and Haymitch stands in the door way with an amused grin on his face.

"You two realise how unsanitary that is?"

"What the hell are you doing just walking in without knocking?" I scowl hopping off the desk

"Well, I do this on a regular basis. You never said anything before" he replies

"Why are you here Haymitch?"

"Just to tell you both that the ceremony for the new Justice building is tomorrow at 11 but you two may be a little too busy to attend from the looks of things" he's doing this to annoy me and so far... it's working

"You should probably go before she rips your head off" Peeta sighs, Haymitch laughs as he leaves and I let out a groan

"A lot of times, I really hate that man" I put my forehead on his chest and he chuckles as he rubs my back

"I'll talk to him about it but in the mean time, I say lets get rid of everything in this office" I smile and look up at him

"Maybe we could keep the desk..." I trace his jaw which makes him grin

"I think I like this side of you..."

The opening of the new Justice Building was something that Peeta begged me to go to, when we went the entire District gathered in the square and cheered as the mayor cut the green ribbon. Everyone got a chance to rewrite all their certificates, it took all day but by nightfall there's music, dancing and even food for everyone within the District. People were smiling and laughing, it was an amazing thing to see but I frown when Peeta approaches from where everyone was dancing.

"Lets go dance" he grins

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to dance" I scoff, he takes my hand and pulls me up

"Peeta no... really I don't..."

"It's okay, just follow my lead" he instructs and I hesitantly nod, knowing that I'll look like a stone cold bitch if I said no. I'm uncomfortable but Peeta takes the attention off the dancing and instead smiles when ever he pulls me close, soon were taking home a stumbling drunk Haymitch. We lay him on his couch and Peeta sighs, he goes upstairs then returns with a pillow and blanket, I smile and take them from him.

I carefully lift Haymitch's head to place the pillow under him and then I lay the blanket over him. I stand up and watch him for a moment and I find myself feeling bad for Haymitch, I haven't been the nicest and haven't taken into account on what its like for him living alone. Living with the demons that he hasn't been able to get rid of his entire life, that he went through much more than Peeta and I ever went through, he had no one but Peeta and I had each other or others' who helped us.

"I feel like I haven't been the best person to him... I never realised how bad he had it until tonight. He just drank the entire night" I frown, Peeta hugs me from behind and puts his chin on my shoulder

"Thats why people can't say that you don't care because you do. It's what I love about you" he mumbles kissing my neck I smile and turn in his arms

"You never stop flattering me do you?" I roll my eyes at his grin and as he shakes his head

"Come on, lets leave him to sleep" he takes my hand and we look back at our ex-mentor

"Just a second" I say, I quietly walk to him and kiss his forehead before joining Peeta

"I liked dancing with you tonight" he grins

"If you think I'll dance at our wedding then you're mistaken" we both freeze. What the hell did I just say? Shit. I need to change the subject and quick.

"I don't know about you but I'm really tired" I force out a yawn before walking into our house, I don't want to get married... so why would I say that? Do I actually want to marry Peeta? I mean... it isn't the worst thing in the world... but would we really be ready for something that big? That night I have a dream of a white dress, primrose flowers and Peeta in a suit leaving me confused and wondering what it is I want.


	3. What I Feel

I had to call my mom... Peeta was helping out in building his bakery and so I had a couple of hours to talk to my mom about everything. I didn't let her greet me before I jumped into the conversation, I told her how terrified I am, how terrified I am that Peeta makes me feel this way, how terrified I am that the thought of marrying him doesn't scare me. She was quiet and taking in everything that I am telling her.

"I need... anything. I don't know... any kind of advice?" she lets out a soft chuckle

"Well, that's exactly how I felt about your father when we were getting married. He was the same but that day... when I said I do... it was the best thing that I ever did up to that point. I was no longer scared of the future, well, there were things that terrified me but I had your father" she explains

"How do I know if I want to marry him?" I ask

"You already know" I scowl at her response

"What do you mean?"

"It means that no one can tell you what you want, only you can decide whether you want to or not" she replies and I sigh

"Thank you, mom. I appreciate the advice"

"Not a problem, Katniss. Should I be expecting a wedding invitation?" I can hear the amusement in her voice and of course I scowl

"I'm glad one of us is getting amusement" I mumble

"Oh Katniss, let loose. We live in a new world now, enjoy it" she says

"I know... I should go but thank you, it helped talking"

"No problem. I'll be here whenever you need" we both say goodbye and I hang up the phone, I go sit on the couch with a sigh because I don't know what in the hell is happening because I once never believed in marriage but now it doesn't scare me as it use to. Theres a knock on the door before I even get the chance to open it it is already getting opened, revealing Haymitch.

"Hey Sweetheart, came to check up on you" he says sitting next to me on the couch

"Yeah well I said to Peeta last week about a possible wedding without thinking and I don't even know if I want to get married" I groan

"Whats holding you back?" He asks

"The fear that the thought doesn't terrify me anymore" I mumble

"Well, think of it like, where would we be if we didn't conquer our fears? You wouldn't have volunteered, or taken down Coin and Snow, hell, Peeta wouldn't have warned Thirteen. We all have fears but it's up to us whether or not we want to conquer them" he replies and I look at him with a raised eyebrow

"Since when did you get good at giving advice?"

"Since I had two kids I actually care about to mentor" he grins I smile and take his hand

"I haven't been the nicest to you and I'm sorry, I just find it hard... to open up... after everything that's happened" I frown and he pats my hand

"Don't apologise because I done a bad job at protecting you two but I won't anymore" he tells me and I smile

"Thank you Haymitch. For everything, for being a great mentor from the start" he chuckles and stands

"Well, seems like you've got a lot to think over, I'm going to go check on the boy, see how the bakery is coming along" he says and I nod, once he leaves I take in what both my mother and Haymitch have said to me, neither giving me a straight answer on what to do but has cleared it up a little bit.

I actually learn to cook. Peeta spends most days helping out to build the bakery and so he comes home close to night time and tonight I have been able to make my first meal by myself, with my mothers help but it's actually turned out quite nice. Peeta walks in with Haymitch like usual but when he comes into the kitchen his smile widens.

"You made dinner?" he says before kissing me

"Well, I've realised how tired you've been and so from now on I'll make dinner so that you can come home and relax then we can change it up that you cook dinner for a few nights, just something to help each other out" I explain

"Sounds like a great plan" he smiles before sitting at the set up table

"I ain't gonna get food poisoning am I?" Haymitch grins as he sits across from Peeta, I scowl as I sit next to Peeta

"Like to see you make a meal" I reply and Haymitch's grin just grows

"Why would I when I have you two to do it for me" Peeta chuckles at our dynamics and instead I move the conversation to the bakery, Peeta is more than happy to say that it's coming along nicely but Thom said it may not be completely until next March due to the winter which slows down the process.

Haymitch leaves after staying back to talk and as Peeta and I sit on the couch I find myself thinking that I would marry Peeta if he asked... its terrifying but I would do it because I love him and even that thought terrifies me but if it meant we could have moments like these then... I want it. I just hope Peeta knows to ask, suddenly a thought comes to mind.

"My dad had a plant book. He had different plants drawn and wrote special things about them... I want to do that but with the people that we lost. You can draw and I can write, both our families and friends, what do you think?" I look at him and he smiles

"I think we should. I think it'll help us cope with them gone" Peeta agrees and I smile then I kiss him

"I won't ever get tired of kissing you" he sighs

"Mmm neither" I grin, bringing our lips back together.

* * *

"Oh my god! What happened?!" Peeta has a gash on his forehead and blood running down his face

"He was carrying some wood and had a flashback" Thom explains, I kneel next to him and I see his darkened eyes

"Katniss..."

"No, its okay. He won't hurt me, have you called a doctor?" I ask and he nods

"Peeta it's o--"

"Please, Katniss... I can't hurt you... it's bad" his breathing is fast but I take his hands

"No. Peeta I--" I feel a hand on my shoulder and I see Haymitch

"Come on, Sweetheart" I hesitantly follow Haymitch outside and he sighs

"Go take a walk or occupy yourself. I'll be with him the whole time, just come back in an hour or so. For both of your safety" I nod before looking at the front door

"Just... make sure he isn't scared... I..."

"I got it. Just go and occupy yourself" There's yelling and something smashing from inside, I go up but Haymitch stops me, I nod and then Haymitch rushes inside, I can hear Peeta yelling and telling everyone that they are mutts and I sit on the stairs closing my eyes and wishing that anyone up there will help him.

The doctor comes, rushing inside, not sparing me a glance. There's more screaming again and I have to sit there listening to Peeta calling out for me, I can't help it, I stand and walk back in, four men including Haymitch are pinning him down while the doctor holds a syringe

"What are you doing?" I scowl

"This is--"

"No. He can't be pinned down, let him go" I give them a look that releases Peeta, I cautiously approach Peeta and sit next to him

"Here, lay your head on my lap" I tell him he nods, once he does I comb my fingers through his hair and start singing, I look to the doctor who nods and injects some morphine into his arm and soon he's out. I refuse to leave, I just keep running my finger's through his blonde hair and soon the doctor has finished stitching him up

"He's going to have to take it easy until he can get them taken out. I'll check in at about three weeks to see how he's doing" I nod, the doctor leaves and soon so does Thom and his friends, leaving Haymitch and I alone with Peeta

"Can you stay with him? I'm going to change out of these clothes and make dinner" Haymitch nods, I take a shower, washing away the stressful hour that has just passed and feeling a little better once I'm finished, I have to wake Peeta up for dinner but after he said his head hurt I spoon fed him from the couch, eating my dinner that sits on our little table, Haymitch sitting in the armchair that's across from us.

"Can I still help build the bakery?" he asks

"You have a stitched up forehead. You are not going anywhere until those stitches are out" I tell him sternly and he smiles

"I'm sorry if I scared you... it happened so fast and then I dropped the plank and I just saw stars" he explains

"You scared the hell out of me but you're okay now" I reply and kiss his cheek.

As soon as his stitches are out, Peeta was back to helping out to build the bakery. I decide one day to go and see for myself how the bakery is doing and when I arrive I smile, some people are laying bricks, some are up high building the roof and others are cutting wood or metal. I immediately spot Peeta who's currently putting the bricks together, I walk over to him and he smiles.

"Hey"

"Hey, how's it going?" I ask

"Really good today. Thom says its looking good considering when we first started" he places the brick onto the binding liquid

"It seems to be doing well, do you have a moment to talk? It's important" I say, he nods and tells the men and woman that he'll be back before taking my hand, I take us to the meadow where I know we'll be alone

"I've been doing a lot of thinking and... I think I'm ready to marry you... whenever you're ready of course. I just thought I'd let you know" I tell him. "Did I just waste your time?" I frown, he immediately grabs my hands and shakes his head

"No. Not at all, it's good. Really" he smiles, he kisses me and I chuckle

"That's good to know" I chuckle

Peeta's mood has seemed to rise by the time he gets back and I notice people giving him weird looks which makes me grin, my shoulders feel lighter now that I finally told Peeta. I can't believe that I have come to the conclusion to marry Peeta... once I said I'd never get married. That day Peeta is home quicker than usual and kisses me harder than usual which of course... led to things but Haymitch just shook his head when he got to ours to have dinner that we haven't even started but luckily mentions nothing.

It's Flynn's second birthday, we get a letter from Annie, asking if it's possible to visit as she is in need of some friends. Peeta looked at me with the look that I couldn't resist but I can't help feeling nervous. I've never really spoken to Annie, Peeta is the one who knows her better than me but I can't help but feel bad for her... she's been through so much and coming out of it she only has Flynn.

Peeta and I meet Annie at the train station, her train is just pulling in when we arrive and I stand nervously, awaiting her arrival. She steps of with Flynn on her hip, she looks around and smiles when she spots us. Peeta hugs Annie with a smile but I send her a smile which she returns, both understanding that we don't have much of a relationship.

"How've you been?" Peeta asks taking her bags before we begin to walk

"Okay, I suppose. Flynn keeps me on my feet but it gets hard sometimes" she frowns, halfway on our walk home is when Annie puts Flynn down who was squirming, he walks ahead of us but not too far, he looks around at the completely different surroundings that far from what his home looks like and it makes me smile a little at how amazing and new this must seem to him.

We get home and Flynn is running around, bouncing on the sofa and discovering new things, Annie puts his toys on the floor and we sit in the sitting room. I catch Annie grinning at the closeness of Peeta and I but I feel my face heat up.

"Mommy, new person" Flynn points at Peeta and I with curiosity, just like his father

"I know darling, they're mommy's friends and they knew your daddy. Their names are Katniss and Peeta" she tells him, he marches over and takes my hand

"Katniss play" I look to Annie and she smiles brightly

"Go ahead" I look to Peeta who just winks at me, I slide off the couch and onto the floor where Flynn brings his toys, assigning me different roles. I lose track of time and it's time for lunch then for Flynn to have a nap, I look at the time to see that it's the afternoon. We offered Annie to stay with us which she was happy to accept.

"So, what's new?" She asks

"Well, I'm getting the bakery rebuilt. I'll finally have a sense of my family again" Peeta replies and Annie gives a small smile

"Thats great, Peeta. How's it been for you, Katniss?" I tense a little at the attention suddenly being on me but Peeta squeezes my knee reassuringly

"I uh... I mostly hunt and I'll help out at the bakery, doing what I can" I reply

"I'm glad. Twelve has come a long way"

"How have you been holding up? I mean now that Flynn is out of the room" Peeta asks

"I miss him... I see him in Flynn everyday and for a second my heart strains but Flynn smiles and... I remind myself that I'll be okay, he comes to me on my bad days and makes my good and bad days better" she concedes

"We all have to take it one step at a time" I look to Peeta with a small smile before we move the topic to something else, Annie tells us about Flynn and the things he does that makes her laugh, how much she sees Finnick.

Annie needs to go into town to find a present to give Flynn, that leaves me alone with Flynn and I'm terrified. I look down at Flynn who looks up at me and grins, I'm taken aback at how much of Finnick truely is in him, aside from the red hair on top of his head, the rest of him is certainly Finnick.

Much like his father, Flynn enjoys talking and using his charm in order to get me to give him another cookie that Peeta only made yesterday. After lunch I fall asleep on the couch with Flynn sleeping against me after I sang him to sleep. I'm awoken by lips on my forehead, I open my eyes to see Peeta's grinning face, I softly sit up, being mindful of Flynn.

"Annie was having a bad episode and asked me to check up on you and Flynn" he says as I stand, he lays a blanket over Flynn's body and I sigh

"Man he was a lot of work but he makes up for it in cuteness" I look to Peeta and he's looking at me strangely but before I could acknowledge it, Annie walks through the door

"I'm so sorry, how was he?" She asks

"He was good, a lot of energy but good" I smile, she returns the smile and goes over to her son, she kisses his forehead and looks at Peeta and I

"I'm sorry... it's just sometimes it gets too much and I--"

"Really it was fine, he was really good" I reassure her, Annie and Flynn stay for a couple more days, we could tell that saying goodbye is hard for Annie because even though she has Flynn, she doesn't have friends that live in District Four

"Thank you, I wish you all the best for the future" she says setting Flynn down and taking his hand

"You're welcome anytime" Peeta smiles

"Anytime it gets hard just give us a call" I chime in, Annie hugs me and I actually let her

"He's so proud of you, and thankful with the kindness you've given me, especially Flynn" she whispers before pulling away. We stand there until the train slowly starts moving forward, our walk back to our home is peaceful, both of us going through the memories we made. Looking back on the memories that Peeta and I have made, I smile as I think to myself that yes... I most definitely will marry this man.

* * *

"I am never taking you hunting" I scowl back at Peeta but he just grins 

"I haven't seen you hunt this entire trip. Why? Are you scared that I'll distract you" I stop and spin to turn to him, raising my eyebrow 

"Nothing can distract me"

"Prove it" without another word I pull out an arrow, I nock it then I concentrate on the bird sitting on the branch, I see Peeta move in the corner of my eye but I keep an eye on my target, I go to let it go when I feel him move my braid off my shoulder, his lips slowly move up my neck, I let go and the arrow hits the bottom of the tree, I turn and scowl 

"That's not fair" 

"I'm just getting you back from when you did it to me" my eyebrows furrow for a moment before I let out a laugh

"Oh my god! You remember that?" He pulls me against him and he smiles 

"Of course, it's the day we finally had the relationship that I dreamed of" I kiss him and he kisses my cheek before taking my hand, I continue on until we get there, I look to Peeta and he looks around in amazement 

"Wow... I never knew something like this existed" he admits 

"I know... my dad found it when he was eight. Then he took me, I learned to swim in this lake" I sigh at the memory, we sit on my usual boulder together

"The bakery opens tomorrow, how are you feeling?" I ask 

"Nervous, excited. I think it'll be good, busy at first but good. The people I trained I think can handle it" he smiles 

"Thank you... for letting Vick work for you. I think Hazelle was a little cautious asking me" I sigh, although Gale and I are no longer on speaking terms, his family was like my second family, no matter what my circumstances are with Gale, I'm still going to watch out for them

"It wasn't hard. Vick is a real sensitive boy, couldn't imagine him working in the mines if they were still open" Peeta sighs 

"Well I appreciate it... a lot" I tell him then I kiss his cheek

"Do you think you'll ever talk to Gale again?" I look at him and he's looking at me with caution 

"I don't know... I guess its hard because whenever I hear his name all I feel is hurt and betrayal. I didn't like the person that he became but none of that matters because I have you. I wouldn't trade you in, not even for the old Gale" I bring his lips to mine and he smiles

"I love you"

"I love you too" I reply, I see it in the grass behind us and smile 

"This is what you are to me" I say, gently tugging the weed. "Bright, sign of rebirth, that things can be good again. My own Dandelion" he smiles and kisses me softly, a kind of kiss where its enough for him to express his love.

"I had a dream last night, a good one for once" I look to Peeta, and he continues 

"I was in the meadow and I was holding your hand... I could hear giggling but couldn't see anyone, it was coming from the trees" he explains. "But I felt so happy and you looked beautiful" he adds

"I like the sound of that dream" I sigh laying my head on his shoulder

"Yeah... me too"

Peeta takes me to look at the bakery before it opens tomorrow, it's definitely similar to the old version but some little touches that makes it his own. He shows me the kitchen and takes out the blanket then sets it on the floor. I sit on the blanket as I wait for him to finish making us dinner but when he does it's presented beautifully, we sit on the blanket and eat together but I can't help but sense Peeta's tension.

"Are you okay?" I ask and he nods 

"Yeah. Just thinking about stuff" he replies 

"What kind of stuff?" He clears his throat and his face goes slightly red 

"Well, we've been together for two years now, almost three and well... Katniss from the age of five you were the only girl I had eyes for and not until I got a little older that I understood what being in love really meant. Even with my entire self corrupted, I found my way back to you. Katniss..." my heart races when he reaches into his pocket to pull out _the_ pearl on a simple silver band

"You are the love of my life and I love you unconditionally. Will you marry me?" He asks, I smile at him 

"Yes. I will" he smiles brighter than I've ever seen and he slides the ring on 

"Your mother is going to be so happy to finally talk about this. That's why she came in a day early" he grins, I kiss him, a kiss with meaning

"It's perfect. It's simple and beautiful"

"I thought you'd prefer it that way" he grins, I pull his lips back to mine and this time he lays me down, sliding his hand up my dress slowly

"Nothing is more attractive than you in a dress" he mumbles against my lips 

"You just like it because its quicker to get off and less clothing" 

"That too" I can feel his grin as his fingers dip into my underwear 

"Are we really... having sex on the kitchen floor" I gasp as his two fingers push into me 

"We're pre-celebrating" he replies innocently, taking his fingers out, I take the chance to take his shirt off, running my hands over the toned muscles that he's managed to gain back, he slowly unbuttons my dress and it opens up, leaving my exposed breasts, Peeta takes his time in devouring them both, I hold his head to my chest, egging him on, I arch my body up, hitting his erection which causes him to groan

I can never get enough of Peeta, I can't imagine anyone else knowing me so intimately other than Peeta. His thrusting pulls me out of my thoughts and I let out a cry in pleasure, he pushes my legs to the side so that I'm opened wider and just like that his thrusting is more animalistic but its so foreign, and its thrilling to know that I'm the only one who knows what Peeta is like when it comes to sex.

"It gets better every time" Peeta sighs pulling me so that my back is against his chest 

"I second that" I sigh, I turn in his arms and look up at him, I run my fingers through his hair and he sighs 

"How are you feeling?" He asks

"Terrified but excited. I want to marry you but I didn't always want to get married. It's really new, I don't even know where to start" I admit 

"Hey... we'll take it one day at a time. We won't rush into this, it'll happen on our terms" he gives me a reassuring squeeze before leaning down and giving me a slow kiss, he starts kissing down my neck, down the valley of my breasts

"Now that we celebrated my bakery opening... why don't we celebrate our engagement?" He grins

"Mmm, please continue" I reply as he continues his descend down my body until his mouth makes contact and I let out a desperate sigh, my hands flying to his hair, keeping him in his place but also tugging at the blonde curls. I use to be uncomfortable when ever thinking about sex and other things like it, I never imagined myself ever being sexually active but with Peeta... the way he is and makes me feel... it's the complete opposite of uncomfortable... hell, I'm almost always the one who makes the move.

We find it impossible trying to redress because every time we do, our clothes are lost once again. I soon have to bat Peetas hand away when I finished the last button on my chest but instead he lurches his head forward.

"Peeta... you are unbelievable" I laugh as he slowly unbuttons my dress 

"We... it's getting... late" I sigh when his mouth covers my right breast, he mumbles a reply before moving me against the nearest wall, I'm not surprised when he pulls out another square packet but I don't object, instead he hikes the skirt of my dress up and lets his pants fall down to his ankles. It's extremely late by the time we get back and I thank the lord that my mom is staying the night with Haymitch.

That didn't stop Haymitch grinning all through breakfast and wasn't surprised when we announced that we're getting married, my mom hugged me although she wasn't surprised. I didn't leave much room for conversation, even though I'm happy to be marrying Peeta, but that doesn't mean I want to gush about it. My heart soared when Peeta stepped up to the front of his new bakery, the mayor gives him scissors, once Peeta cuts the green ribbon.

Peeta is constantly in the kitchen or taking orders but the business is constant, I stay at the front taking orders, I told Peeta that I can't set foot in that kitchen because I can't decorate even if my life depended on it. The last customer finally leaves for the day, the snow crunches under our feet as we walk back home, the cold nipping at my nose.

"Wait, snow is falling again" Peeta looks up and I smile as the white specks fall on his blonde hair 

"You find joy in the smallest of things" I grin, he pulls me against him 

"It helps me cope with all of the terrible things that we went through" I run my fingers through his hair and kiss him 

"That's why I love you" I tell him and he smiles before kissing me 

Later on that night Peeta and I sit on the sofa, Peeta sketches while I read a book, I peak at what he's drawing and a small smile pulls itself on my lips. He's drawn us at the lake, my head on his shoulder, it's our new spot and it makes me happy that we have something so secret to share with one another.

"You've drawn it so well" I tell him as he adds soft ripples on the water 

"It's forever stuck in my mind... it felt so... normal being there" he admits 

"Well, it's our place now" I tell him and kiss his lips, I watch as he continues to sketch, I smile when he adds my father with his arm around Prim's shoulder, both smiling at us on the other side of the lake. I really do want to marry this man.


	4. Chaos

The snow melts and Effie arrives, I was sitting on the kitchen bench watching as Peeta kneaded dough with no shirt. He was definitely embarrassed when Effie barged in exclaiming about us getting married. I bit my lip to cover my laugh but as soon as she mentions she has many dresses and shoes for me to try on, I let the scowl fall upon my face. I groaned as I followed Peeta to the door, he steps out, the Spring air hits and I'm longing to go hunting but of course my plans have changed.

"Try not to murder Effie" he chuckles, I scowl and kiss him 

"Something that will be extremely difficult" I sigh 

"You'll be fine" he grins 

"Oh Peeta! I have suits you need to try on when you return!" Effie calls out, he calls out his agreement before we share one more kiss, I walk back into the living room where Effie inspects our home, my old prep team behind her looking around

"Can't I just wear one of my white dresses upstairs?" I scowl, Effie gasps

"Of course not! They are not wedding material. Now, lets try on these dresses" I'm forced upstairs into the bedroom where I'm forced to try on dresses over and over again, scowling at every single one. By the fifth one I groan as I look into the mirror, they get worse! Why is the skirt so big? Better yet why is it so heavy?

"I don't like it. I look like a fluffy mess" I scowl

"Oh I think it looks amazing!" 

"I don't think so, it's too heavy and way too much to handle. I want something light and simple" I turn to Effie who sighs 

"I thought you might not take any of these. Here, try this one" she hands me the brown box before leaving the room, my old prep team help me out of the dress before helping me into the one that Effie gave me, it feels so much lighter and it is beautiful but it isn't over the top like the other dresses were, I look in the mirror and Effie gets called in. She walks in and gasps, she comes up beside me and puts her hand on my shoulder

"It really is beautiful" she says 

"I think this is my favourite" I tell her 

"We went through Cinna's sketches and this was labelled as your dress. Seems like he really knew you" she smiles, I give her a sad smile. I keep the dress in my closet before Effie drags me downstairs where the true chaos happens, they cover the table in papers with different cakes, places and decorations. Peeta comes home and gives me an amused grin before kissing the top of my head 

"What's going on here?"

"Wedding planning!" 

"I mean thank you Effie but Katniss and I already agreed on a small wedding in the meadow with only our close family and friends" he tells her, I give her a knowing look and she lets out a sigh 

"Very well, now, it's your turn to try suits on" Effie says, Peeta rolls his eyes before getting pulled upstairs. I'm getting dinner ready when Effie is finally finished, expressing her happiness that the wedding is planned two months early 

"I mean... there isn't much for us to plan really" I tell her

"Well, if I had it my way it would be this extravagant day, many would be invited! But, I will respect your decision" she sighs

"It means a lot to us. Just everything we've gone through, we just want it something for us only" Peeta tells her 

"Are you staying for dinner?" I ask 

"Oh that would be lovely" Effie discusses life in the Capitol and then she brings up the topic that I dread more than anything 

"So, when will we expect little ones after the wedding?" The spoon stops right before I put it in my mouth

"Um..."

"We haven't quite discussed that yet" Peeta tells her 

"Yeah kids aren't on the table for us" I stand by what I said years ago even today, I don't know if I'll even change my mind

"Really?" I look to Peeta 

"You want kids?" I ask

"Well... yeah. You don't?"

"Why don't we take a walk?" Effie and her prep team excuse themselves and once they leave I get up and start clearing the table 

"Katniss..."

"Peeta not right now" I scowl 

"Can't we just have this talk? I understand you don't want children but... can't it just be considered?" His tone is calm and it's hard for my fiery temper to get out of hand

"I don't want to talk about it, Peeta. I don't want kids and that's final" I give him a challenging stare, daring him to keep this conversation but Peeta isn't like everyone else and instead he keeps going

"Look, I'm not forcing you into having children but all I'm asking is think about it" I scoff 

"I don't want to even consider it. Why are you so desperate anyways?" In the moment it was the wrong words to choose but I always spoke without thinking 

"I'm not desperate" I can tell he's trying all he's got not to lose his temper

"You are! Don't you understand this is my body?! I don't want to have kids because I don't want them! Why can't that get through your head?! If this is what it's going to be like when we're married then..." I yell, his fists clench at his sides 

"You're making no sense because never in my lifetime have I forced myself onto you. Never. I'm not forcing you into this and you thinking I am..." he lets out a sad sigh before leaving the room, I lean against the table with a sigh. Shit. I felt bad as soon as those words came out of my mouth... I don't know what I'm doing, I hear Peeta's footsteps come back into the kitchen 

"I'm going to take a walk, I need to clear my head" he then turns and leaves the house, by the time I run to the door he's no where to be seen

"Everything alright?" I look and see Haymitch on the porch and I nod, keeping everything in. I turn and close the door, I refuse to let the tears fall and instead I distract myself until I grow tired, a little worried that Peeta hasn't returned, trying not to let my mind think up scenarios. I have a nightmare and when I wake up Peeta is in the bed but his back is facing me, I go to wake him but decide against it, instead I lay awake and let the tears fall silently, thinking about the life I ruined, a good life.

Peeta is gone by the time I wake up and I feel awful, I had hardly any sleep last night but I have only myself to blame. I go to the meadow, I let my thoughts run wild and there's a question that lingers, why am I so against having children now? The Games are gone, Snow and Coin are dead... I search for the answer but I can't really find one... it's just something I can't see myself doing.

I always saw Prim being the one having kids, she would've been the best mom. Loving and caring, her children would've been beautiful and they would've adored and loved her... she's the one who deserves to live a life like this, not me. What have I done that makes me deserve this life? So many people that were either killed by me or because of me, I don't know why Peeta is still around, I'm surprised I haven't driven him away... especially after last night.

Haymitch doesn't join us at dinner, avoiding the silence between Peeta and I. Peeta stays silent and I don't trust myself to start a conversation, he gets up eventually, scraping his bowl out and washing it, he lingers for a moment, I can feel his stare but he eventually leaves the room. I sit back in my chair, I hate this... I hate it so much and I can feel my heart hurting, hurting because I broke his heart, because he doesn't love me anymore.

I scrape my bowl and washing it before finding Peeta sitting on our sofa sketching, his jaw is tense and his hand is shaky making the sketch not turn out the way it usually does and I know exactly why... because of me, I walk around so I'm in front of him and he looks at me, his eyes are more cloudy blue then its normal hue and I know exactly why.

"I'm sorry... what I said... I didn't mean it, I want to marry you. The topic of kids just terrifies me" he sets his pad down with a sigh

"I understand but what you said really hurt Katniss. I love you and would never force something like that on you"

"I know..." I sigh sitting next to him. "I know the Games are gone and so are Snow and Coin but... there's a part of me that knows there are still other dangers... a danger of being an awful mother" I mumble 

"Hey, you wouldn't be anything close to an awful mother but it's okay if you don't want any children..." I look into his eyes and it's easy to tell that no matter what, he'll always want desperately to have children and so I give him an answer that makes us both satisfied

"It'll be on the table... but lets get married first, spend time being married and then we can have this conversation again. I promise" he smiles and brings our lips together

"Thank you" he grins, I straddle his lap and mirror his grin 

"You haven't held me for an entire day" I kiss up his jaw and he groans 

"I can make up for that..." he spins so I'm on my back and I let out a little laugh but soon a sigh comes as his lips attach to the skin on my neck, kissing and sucking.

* * *

"Up! Up!" Peeta and I groan at Effies chirpiness so early in the morning 

"Not now" I groan putting my head back on Peetas chest 

"Not when it's your wedding day, we need many things to prepare. Up you get Peeta" he sighs and sits up which makes me scowl at Effie, Peeta raises an eyebrow at her, she gets the idea and soon leaves 

"It's so early" I look out the window where the sun is just starting to rise

"I know but we're getting married" he grins, I smile and pull him by his neck so he's hovering over me. Our kiss is one of many where we forget everything, it's only us. Effie knocks on the door which makes me scowl 

"It's our wedding day and don't even get a wedding celebration" 

"We'll celebrate tonight. No interruptions, trust me, I've warned everyone" I laugh at the serious expression on his face 

"Go before Effie tears our house down" he chuckles before getting changed, he kisses my forehead then leaves the room, Effie enters along with my old prep team. She forces me to walk in the heels but it isn't working, I hate heels 

"Can't I just walk barefooted?" The look of horror on Effie's face indicates that I most certainly cannot

"Never! I brought low heeled shoes for you too but you will not walk barefoot" I roll my eyes before trying on the low heeled shoes which were much more suitable. We spend the rest of the morning figuring out my hairstyle, I can't see it but Effie grins once the prep team have finished 

"Now, makeup... we want it to be natural. We want her to look as natural as we can" she looks at me and gives me a wink, I grin. Seems like she does know me... it's early afternoon when Haymitch walks through the door in a strapping suit

"Look at you, didn't know you could dress this nice" he rolls his eyes and looks at me with a soft smile 

"You did good Effie. She looks like herself" Effie walks next to him and looks at me with tears in her eyes 

"Beautiful..." she sniffs but then gasps. "We need to get going or we'll be late!" Once they leave, Haymitch and I are left alone 

"How's Peeta?"

"Nervous but he can't stop yabbering on about you" I smile 

"You know... I always hoped you'd see the love he was trying to offer. You both love each other just as much and I'm proud of the both of you" I kiss his cheek and hug him 

"Thank you, Haymitch" 

Peeta looks amazing in a suit, he chose to wear a soft orange suit which he actually pulls off. Haymitch gives me to Peeta who can't help himself and kisses my cheek, only a handful of people we know are attending and it makes it a lot more personal. Our first kiss as a married couple was short but amazing at the same time, I take off my shoes which made Effie gasp but I didn't care in the slightest.

Everyone in our town was invited to the party, I thought it could be a night where everyone will get fed and just be happy. It was a good night but Peeta and I leave while people are still dancing and having fun. We don't waste time in starting the toasting ceremony, sitting in our living room and getting our fire started. It's something we agreed on, we were always going to do a toasting ceremony, to keep some old traditions. 

"This is the same bread you threw to me" I grin after biting into his slice 

"I know. I wanted it to be extra meaningful for us" he replies

"It is, the entire day was" I sigh, after eating the toast I excuse myself to have a shower, feeling tired of having products in my hair and on my face. I let the moments of the day flash by as the warm water makes me feel a lot better. When I get out Peeta is sitting on the edge of the bed in just his white button up and orange pants, he gets up and approaches me, I look into his blue eyes and bite my lip which makes him groan 

"That's not fair, you know what that does to me" 

"I know" I grin, his hand reaches to my towel but I smack his hand away 

"I don't think so. Not when you're still fully clothed" I've never seen anyone get undressed so fast but it's definitely possible, he stands completely nude and I let the towel drop 

"Happy wedding night to us" he picks me up and I laugh as we fall on the bed, immediately getting under the covers, our lips joining together, hands wandering more than once during the night but we didn't mind one bit.

We almost missed our train and I had to scold Peeta who looked like he was no where near guilty which doesn't surprise me. When Effie proposed a honeymoon trip for us we were close to shutting it down when Annie told us of the beach house that Finnick bought her whenever she needed to escape, she's letting us use it for the week we decided to be away.

It doesn't feel any different being married only we now have rings on our fingers, it's still sometimes hard to believe, I find myself looking at my hand and not believing for a second that I'm actually married. 

Annie takes us to the beach house and is quick in showing us around before leaving us alone, I take the time to go out and admire the beach while Peeta puts the bags upstairs, the sand is almost white. It's warm and soft under my toes, the waves are moving in a soft motion and I move closer so that my feet are in the cool water.

"You look so gracious" I turn and raise my eyebrow at Peeta 

"I don't believe that for a second"

"It's true" he says wrapping his arms around me from behind, his kisses my neck and sighs 

"You don't care what happens to this dress do you?"

"No, why?" I turn around to see a cheeky grin, next thing I know is that I'm over his shoulder and he's running further into the water 

"Peeta!" I scream and flail around which causes him to lose his footing and we both fall underwater, coming up gasping 

"What the hell!" I splash him as he laughs, I shake my head and begin to swim back to shore, I turn to talk only to see his face has changed, I see him gulp. He isn't looking at my face and so I follow where his eyes are and they widen, my breasts are showing through the fabric and so are my dark underwear

"For gods sake" I roll my eyes and continue to walk to shore, hearing the splashing in the water as he runs after me, he spins me around just as I reach the door and he presses my body against his 

"I am so blessed, You have no idea what this is doing to me" I press closer which causes him to groan, I open the door and turn with a grin 

"I know exactly what it's doing to you. Now, are you coming for a shower or not?" Peeta shoots past me and upstairs, I chuckle and shake my head, you'd think he's still a teenager.

Our week we spend there is nothing but relaxing although when it's time to go home, I'm definitely relieved. We had a great time but I want to be in my own bed, surrounded by the forest. I missed hunting... surprisingly I miss Haymitch too.

* * *

I don't feel like moving... I stay in my bed as I lay awake, I had two nightmares and by the second I kept awake after coaxing Peeta back to sleep. I feel tired but I can't seem to go back to sleep, afraid of the same nightmare appearing. Instead I watch as the light spills through the window, I then turn my attention to Peeta and smile at his sleeping face, it's a mystery how he deals with this every single year. 

"How long have you been awake?" I look down to see Peeta with a soft smile 

"It's okay, I just wanted to think" he sits up with a sigh and open his arms, I don't hesitate in laying on his chest, hugging him tight, letting myself fall apart just a little. My crying dies down and eventually we just lay in silence until Peeta speaks 

"Come on, lets go make breakfast" much to my groaning he pulls me up and walks me downstairs, I watch him at first before he starts getting me to do things and eventually we have breakfast ready, today is one of the only days Haymitch doesn't join us during meal times but Peeta always checks in on him. All through breakfast Peeta tells me what he has planned for the day, refusing to go into the bakery. 

After we eat our breakfast, he takes me into his new painting room. I'm not an artist and so the idea was completely ridiculous but Peeta insisted saying that I may not be an artist but doesn't mean I'm not allowed to paint. 

"I don't even know what to paint" I scowl 

"It's okay, just use the colours and paint" I let out a sigh and pick up a brush, I use the colours and paint exactly what I'm feeling, I stand back and look at what I made, I let out a sigh as I take it in, half of it have dark colours swished around and the other half the brighter colours in a more calm pattern 

"I told you. You may not be an artist but it's your own, personal piece, that's what it's all about" he explains

"It isn't much, it was the only thing I could think of" I frown 

"No it's good, it's how you feel, the dark and light represents what you went through, represents the good and bad days" I turn to him with a small smile

"How'd you know?" I ask 

"Because it's exactly how I envision what I feel looks like" he replies, I move to lay my head against his chest, he wraps an arm around me as we look at the painting I made. Peeta convinces me to take a walk with him after lunch, even given the snow, we walk around town and he suggests doing a little game, we quietly tell one another every time we see someone do a good deed whether it was an action or a simple smile.

We walk to the lake which has frozen over and so we sit on the boulder and Peeta makes me smile or laugh, he makes me forget enough that I can enjoy being there with him, that I can enjoy thinking of something else. By sunset I'm smiling and allowing myself to enjoy the time I have with Peeta, this time Peeta makes dinner but I watch him as he continues to talk to me, I even read the letter from Annie. 

"Thank you... Peeta. I really don't think I could do this without you..." I sigh as we sit on the sofa, watching the flames dance in the fireplace 

"It's something I want to do, not something I have to do. I love you Katniss and I'm always here for you" he kisses the side of my head and I cuddle closer to him

"I just can't believe its been 4 years already..." 

"I know... they would be proud of you, Katniss. I know they would be and I am too"

"I just miss them so much..." I let silent tears fall but my body refuses to break down in tears, Peeta soon starts running his fingers through my hair slowly and soon... my eyes begin to droop as I'm pulled to sleep, I have no nightmares that night or dreams, it's just a peaceful darkness and I find myself feeling so much more better that next morning.

It's my 22nd birthday and like everyday on my birthday, Peeta wakes me up by kissing my neck which lead to many other things and by the time we finish showering I am completely satisfied. We eat breakfast together before both walking to the bakery, hand in hand. Some people greet or smile at us as we walk into town, business at the bakery is steady but not as rushed as it was when it opened.

Peeta seems to be getting more and more people in every time, I can see why, he greets them with a smile and always has something different to say to every single person. It's nightfall by the time the last worker leaves, I lock the door with a sigh then find Peeta in the kitchen icing a cake. I lean against the bench with a grin as he concentrates, he finally looks up and smiles, he stands straight and sets the piper down.

"Were you standing there long?" He asks but I shake my head 

"I made you a cake" he grins putting the cake in the fridge and taking out a large square box

"Why aren't I surprised?" I chuckle switching off the light as we leave through the back door

"Can you believe that in just a month we'll be married for a year?" He sighs as I loop my arm through his 

"It's been a pretty good year..." I smile 

"It sure has, a rocky start but we made it" he grins, I smile in return and sigh as we walk in silence. Haymitch grumbles at us being late which makes me roll my eyes, Peeta refuses to let me cook or even help out, forcing Haymitch to help him which even made Haymitch scowl. I gasp when I see my cake, it has katniss flowers on it and my name written in green cursive on top, I kiss Peeta on the cheek and I see him turn a light shade of red.

There wasn't much my family could afford and photos was one of the many things but now... I can look back and smile at the photos taken on Peeta and I's wedding, I smile at how happy we both look. The whole day turned out exactly as we planned and I was thankful that Effie didn't cover my face with make up. I pick up my favourite photo taken, Peeta and I have our foreheads together, smiling and my arms locked around his neck.

"That's one of my favourites" Peeta smiles and I smile back 

"Mine too" I sigh placing it back down on the table with the other framed photos 

"I have something for you" he says as we sit on the sofa. "Close your eyes" he grins, I do so as he tells me, I hear him moving around and it's not until I feel something touching my neck that I open my eyes, I look down to see a necklace with a locket attached, I open it and smile at one side has a picture of me with my family and the other side is Peeta

"Seeing as the pearl is now on the ring and medallion out of reach so you don't lose it, so, I got this made up for you" I smile down at it then close it and look at him 

"I love it, thank you..." I softly kiss him and he smiles, wrapping his arms around me to pull me close, we sit in silence and its moments like these where I really come to appreciate because it makes me think just how happy I am that Peeta and I became what we are now, the strong connection we've formed makes me feel safe and secure because I truly know in my heart that Peeta will never abandon me, that he'll always come back to me.

"It always throws me off a bit whenever I realise that we're married. I just never imagined that I would get married" I admit

"I know what you mean, it's so surreal for me" he replies 

"But it always makes me smile when I'm pulled back and it's you I'm married to" I look at him to see his smile is bright 

"You know, sometimes I imagine what our life would've been like if we had never gone into the Games" he admits 

"Still in a world of corruption, starvation, abuse. Maybe even worse by now" I reply 

"Do you think we would've still dated?" He asks 

"Well, then I didn't see marriage or children on the cards, marriage... it was complicated and children, I had my mother and Prim, enough mouths to feed" she says honestly 

"I'd like to think I admitted my feelings" he chuckles 

"I'm sure you would've grown on me" I grin moving so I straddled him, he grins too, rubbing my thighs 

"Is that right?" He asks kissing my neck slowly

"Mmhm" I mumble while holding his head there

"Well... I can show you..." he starts unbuttoning my shirt. "Just how much you've grown on me" he grins, in one swift move he's stood up and I laugh as he takes us upstairs.

* * *

I jolt awake, I was dreaming but it was a really odd one and I had a weird feeling. When I look next to me I see that Peeta is gone and I immediately sit up, I grab his shirt from the floor and put it over my naked body before walking out of the room. I find him sitting by the window in just his sleep shorts, he hasn't noticed I'm there but I can feel his stress and I know that it must've been a nightmare but no nightmare has ever shook him up this much.

"Hey" I say and he turns his head

"Hey..." he gives me a smile which he probably thinks is nothing but I can tell somethings wrong 

"What's wrong?" I ask walking up to him and combing my fingers through his hair 

"Nothing... it's okay" he replies, I sigh and straddle him so I can comfortably hug him

"Take your time" I whisper, it takes a few moments until he finally says it 

"I'm a murderer" it's so quiet that I almost don't hear it, I sit up to look at him 

"Being in the hunger games mea--"

"No. That day when we ran from the pod... I tried attacking you and Mitchell tried fighting me off and I... I killed him, I... why marry someone who's committed a horrendous crime?" He frowns 

"Peeta..."

"No. It's okay, I just... it's hard to process"

"You're not a murderer. You were hijacked, Snow was controlling you. You lost control" 

"Exactly, I lost control" he frowns, I frown and give him a frustrated look

"Do you really think if that were true, that you intentionally killed him that you'd have this?" I hold up his hand with the ring on it. "You really think I'd let you touch me the way you do? Hell even talk to you? It wasn't you"

"How can you be so sure? How do you know I didn't do it intentionally?" He frowns 

"Because, if you meant it then you wouldn't be experiencing this guilt. You wouldn't be blaming yourself" I reply. "I can't change your mind or change your thoughts but what I can do is help you to see what I see" I add

"I don't deserve you" he sighs rubbing my arms 

"You deserve everything, Peeta. You make me happy" I reply kissing his lips before hugging him, he rubs my back which eventually causes me to fall back asleep. Peeta is more himself in the morning but I can tell he didn't get a good sleep even after our discussion, that's when I decide to take a trip to the lake with him, he needs a place to clear his head... something I don't do as often as I should.

He's quiet the whole way there which is certainly nothing like him and I hate how much this is getting to him. I mean it's awful that Mitchell died the way he did and he didn't deserve it, Peeta just can't blame himself so much for something he had no control over. A little guilt is okay but too much and it'll ruin you, especially if it wasn't entirely your fault which is what I want to help him understand, that he can feel guilty but not let it consume his whole life. 

"Lets go for a swim" I grin 

"I don't know... it may--"

"Do you want to see me naked or not?" This immediately makes him stop, we strip down, Peeta being much faster than me which was no surprise. We jump into the water and the coolness immediately makes me feel better 

"I know you're still thinking about it" I tell him and he sighs 

"I just... can't get it out of my head..."

"You shouldn't let it consume you, Peeta. You just need to accept that its happened and sadly we can't change some actions we made in the past but the best thing you can do for him is remember what happened the day we won" I reply 

"I know... you're right. It's just... it's going to take a while" he sighs

"And I'll help you, just like you help me. We're in this together" I smile and he does too 

"That is true" he admits. "Thank you... Katniss" he adds pulling me against him

"I'm here for you, Peeta. I'm never going to leave you" he gives me a grin 

"And why's that?" He damn well knows the answer to that 

"Because I'm completely in love with you which you already knew" I scowl but he just kisses me 

"Mhm, I'm completely in love with you too. Now, want to try something we never done before?" He asks kissing down my neck 

"Here?" I sigh, already weak from his kissing 

"No one else knows about this place. It's just us, why not?" he mumbles, I just nod because he had me from the start, anything to do with his lips is always going to be an exotic experience and might I say it most definitely was. 

Peeta grows to live with it as the week goes on, I can tell that every now and again that it effects him but he doesn't let it take over. He concentrates on his bakery which is thriving, everyone seems to enjoy his baked goods, it's busy everyday and it's like nothing ever happened to his family bakery. People have also grown to accept that what happened to Peeta, what he said and done wasn't him, it was a Capitol trick in order to get us both killed. No one asks about what it was like, afraid of triggering Peeta or getting a mouth full from me.

I quite enjoy my alone time in the woods, it lets me start thinking of things that I don't usually think about during the day. I take a moment to remember life before the rebellion, remembering how much we feared the Games... I also remember the rebellion and how conflicted it made me, how it made me see peoples true colours. It does make me smile a little to know that Snow watched his entire empire crumble in ashes, but he didn't lie to me. Everything he said Coin was going to do or had done at that time... was true and it makes me nervous just thinking about it because we could've had someone the same if not worse than Snow as president right now.

Paylor has done well as president, she's written in many new laws and taken some out along with restoring peace within every District and pardoning the remaining Victor's, mainly Peeta. She recently contacted us about our Victor's earnings which she told us will stop and we will be earning our money by Peeta's bakery which we didn't care in the slightest, Haymitch however didn't enjoy finding out that detail, he helps out in the Justice Building but he expresses how much he hates it every night at dinner. Comparing the two different times that aren't that far apart, I realise how lucky I am to be living this life.


	5. The Talk

Four years pass and just like that we've been married for five years. The five years that seemed to have gone by so quickly, Panem is healthily thriving better than it has in many, many years and it's good to be alive to witness it all. I never really imagined getting this far in life if I'm being honest, if the Games didn't kill me then I was sure that the rebellion was but I was wrong and many days I'm conflicted how I should feel about that. Finnick and Prim are dead essentially because of me, the guilt never leaves me but in another sense I couldn't be happier to be alive and it's always an odd feeling that I don't think will ever go away nor get use to.

"I just want to come out and say it" Peeta says as we clean the kitchen after dinner, I nod

"Do you think we'll ever have children?" He asks, I let out a sigh, I knew this conversation was going to come up sooner or later 

"It's... complicated" it's all I can see and I can see the unsatisfied look in his eyes but he just smiles, trying to hide it 

"I know. It's okay" he replies kissing my cheek. It's a simple question but my answer is complicated because my reason is fear, it's silly but even with the new world, I'm still afraid of things that can still go wrong, even the thought of being a mother terrifies me because I don't want to turn out like my mother. I love my mother but she hasn't been every good at one in the past and even though the reasons were fair and heartbreaking, she still had children to check in with and look after. I don't want my children to think that of me, I'm too afraid to disappoint them.

I can tell how much Peeta wants kids, he'll smile if we see them playing in town on our walks or if they come into the bakery he always talks to them which without fail always leaves a smile on his face. It makes my answer more conflicting because when I see it, something inside me flutters, its an unknown feeling but I caught on to what it may mean but then I think of maybe actually going through with it and then my thoughts of being a terrible mother comes back into my head which causes me to shut it down completely.

I try visiting Sae as much as I can, I mostly drop by at her house and she's always doing as well as she can for someone earning so low in money. Sae makes tea in her kitchen and I lean against the bench, keeping her company seeing as her granddaughter is at school.

"So, I would've expected little ones running around by now" she grins handing me a cup 

"Oh, well we've had the conversation" I reply, she raises her eyebrow. "I... it's complicated, I just don't know if I'm right for it, if I'm prepared" I add 

"You never are prepared for something like that. When I had my girl I was terrified, I felt her kick and it terrified me but it wasn't till I first held her when I felt like I could do it. Even as they grow up you never really think of yourself as a great parent" she admits 

"But with our past, I just... I wouldn't want to have my children know about what happened and be terrified of their own parents" I frown 

"Look, the past cannot be undone. You may have made some mistakes but you learnt from them, didn't you? Nothing you have done can possibly change how your child may think of you, hell, they'll think you two are strong from the hell that you both came out of" she replies 

"So you're saying I should have kids?"

"Not saying that you should, Girly. I'm just telling you what it'll be like, only you can decide on something like that" she corrects, I sigh and sip my cup as I let what Sae said sink in. I don't know how to make sense of it all, isn't Peeta happy with just me? I shake my head and scold myself, of course he is! I know he loves me and he'll support me but he's always dreamed of having kids and he doesn't hide it either.

I come to the decision, I want to have a baby with Peeta. I took a whole two weeks to think about it and weighing out my doubts against the positives, soon the positives just kept getting larger and larger until it became clear to me. There was a time where I wouldn't dare think of having children but... the thought doesn't seem that terrible, terrifying but not terrible, I still have my doubts but they've been pushed down by my new thoughts.

"Okay" I say to Peeta as we get into bed 

"Okay?" He repeats confusingly 

"Okay, I'll have a baby with you" I tell him, an automatic smile appears on his face, one of the biggest and brightest 

"Really? I mean are you sure? I don't want you doing it just for me" he replies 

"No I want to for me too. For us both..." 

"What changed your mind?" He grins pulling me close 

"Nothing really, I just think that I couldn't use the reason I was using anymore" I sigh 

"What reason was that?" He asks 

"Fear. I was afraid I would be a terrible mother. Afraid that I'd be like my own mother" 

"Hey, it's okay to be afraid but you'll be an amazing mother. You love with your whole heart and that's all you need" he comforts kissing my lips 

"I'll miss my shot this month so we can't conceive yet" Peeta grins and hovers over me 

"Maybe we should practice?" he kisses my neck and I hum in pleasure 

"That isn't a terrible idea"

* * *

The world seems to really want me to be pregnant because within the next month of us trying I can feel the affect of it and I can easily figure out straight away. I don't tell Peeta straight away not until another week, he catches on as he holds my hair back for the fourth time that day, I flush the toilet and slump against the wall with a sigh.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" He asks 

"Most likely" I sigh, I can see it in his eyes, he's containing his happiness inside for my sake which makes me love him even more. We go to the little medical clinic to find out for sure, it wasn't a delightful experience given they needed to take blood which me nor Peeta could look at, at one point he turns pale white and I can imagine that I may be the same too. 

"Well, you seem to be having a baby. Congratulations" the doctor smiles, mixed emotions is all that goes through my head, mostly fear. We don't talk until we get back home, Peeta can't contain himself by smiling and I just chuckle

"I'm sorry. I just..." he sighs and looks at my belly, I take his hand and put it on my still flat belly 

"You can touch my belly anytime, you know. It's your baby too" I tell him 

"How are you feeling though?" He asks as we sit on the couch

"Honestly? Terrified" I sigh 

"Hey... I'm going to be here for you through everything" he replies, I smile and interlock our fingers 

"I know... I just hope that I don't drive you crazy" I grin 

"Trust me, you could never" he chuckles and kisses me softly. That night before we go to bed he talks to the baby, it gives me a sense of normality but also it knocks me into reality that in just a couple of months my life is forever going to change... I'll be a mother.

Haymitch actually tells us that he's surprised that it took this long for us to even start having kids, he acted like it was no big deal but I could see the change in his eyes, how he really felt. When I tell Sae she just grins, I could tell that she knows part of what she had said stuck itself in my head but I refuse to cave in and admit that she was right, no matter how much I may know that her words comforted me in a way. 

"You know the baby probably can't even hear you" I chuckle as Peeta whispers to our baby 

"Maybe they can. Even if they can't it helps me keep in mind how real it is" he explains, coming up and kissing my neck, I smile and hold him in that place 

"Have you told your mother?" He asks kissing his way up 

"I think I will tomorrow... I don't know. She lives in Four and she wo--"

"Hey... everything will be fine. She's your mother, she'll come" he says and I sigh

"You know she's lucky that we're together... anyone else and I don't think she'd have a relationship with me" I admit locking my fingers from behind his neck, bringing our lips in for a kiss 

"Well, thank god for that" he grins.

I sit on the blanket with Peeta, enjoying the summer breeze. It's the last month of summer and we decided to enjoy it while we can, I lay my head on his shoulder with a sigh. I interlock our fingers together, he chuckles and kisses my cheek.

"Do you feel anything?" He asks

"I think it's a bit too early. My mom made an hour of telling me everything, when I'll expect to feel everything" I sigh 

"How are we having the baby?" He asks 

"Well, I don't want to have them at the clinic. I'm thinking about asking my mother to help deliver the baby" I mumble 

"I think it's a good idea" he replies

"You do?" I grin moving to straddle him

"Mmhm" he says 

"Well, that's a relief" I say bringing our lips in for a slow kiss, enjoying the feel of his lips.

* * *

"Oh!" I drop the bowl, spilling everything on the floor, my hands fly to my belly and I hear Peetas thumping footsteps

"Katniss!" He runs to me 

"The baby... they... they..." I whimper

"What happened?" He asks

"The baby kicked..." I look into his eyes, trying to keep the tears in, he pulls me to his chest and I cry. Completely terrified of the feeling, Peeta holds me and eventually soothes me enough that I let him feel it, once his hand goes on my belly the baby kicks against it but he has to soothe them when he sees me starting to get worked up again

"I'm sorry... it's just..." 

"No, it's okay. Remember what I said... it's your baby too. I just need time to adjust" I reassure him and he nods, he helps me up

"Are you sure you want me to go to the bakery? I can--"

"I'll be fine. Go" I tell him, he sighs 

"I'll be back as soon as I can" he tells me and I smile.

Ten years since the rebellion and it feels odd that it's been that long... Prim would've been twenty-two this year, that's something that's hard to get use to but I will myself out of bed, well if I'm honest... the baby did so that I can vomit in the toilet. My belly is round enough that it's obvious I'm having a baby, the kicking however still terrifies me but Peeta is there to calm me down, every time they kick I have to pause what I'm doing and take a few breaths. 

I spend time at the bakery as often as I can, I hate being alone at home, I hate not moving around and when my mother told me it's better that I do move around as much as possible, after that I barely sat down. I look up when the bakery bell rings and my breath hitches, his hair is shorter and he dresses like he did in thirteen. 

"Gale" I scowl 

"So it's true, you work here" he says

"I do" I reply, he looks down at my hand, seeing the rings which makes him scoff 

"Married? Where was my invite?" He asks, I sigh, letting someone take over before going around the counter, his eyes dart to my belly before they widen

"Are you serio--"

"Don't, not yet" I warn him, I tell the person behind the counter to tell Peeta where I am before I walk out with Gale. We walk through the Seam which has less people living there, due to moving to better houses in the Victor's Village

"You lied. That time you said you'd never get married or have kids" he says

"Yeah well it's a new world, safer" I mumble, I catch him looking at my belly, I scowl and wrap my coat around myself tighter 

"I can't get use to seeing you like that" 

"Well get use to it. Look..." I stop walking and he does too. "I'm happy, Gale. He makes me happy" I admit

"I can see. I'm happy that you are Katniss... just wish things were different" he sighs 

"Why are you here? I'm sorry, I just don't think we could ever be the same" I tell him

"Katniss..."

"No. It's been ten years since it ended... nothing from you. Peeta was there for me, when no one else was" I scowl

"Well, I guess this is a goodbye" he replies 

"Yeah, it is" I turn around and walk back to town, not looking back because Gale is my past and no matter what Peeta will always be my future, I don't care if it's not what Gale wants because it's what I want.

I pace around the bedroom as I wait for Peeta to get home, my mother calmly gets the sheets changed and some towels with boiling water. Peeta comes bounding in and I give him a small smile, he walks over and kisses my forehead.

"I never should've gone to the bakery" he sighs before looking to my mom 

"It's moving at a normal rate" she tells us and Peeta nods before sitting on the end of the bed, talking to me about anything to keep my mind off everything and it works for the most part.

I hold Peeta's hand in a death grip as another shoot of pain runs through me, my mom told us that we're getting closer and closer but also that this baby is really eager to come out which actually makes me feel somewhat more comforted. My mom helps me through the pushing which really hurts, I cry out after she finishes counting, Peeta encourages me as I begin pushing again, determined to get this baby out.

"One more push, Katniss" mom says, I push as hard as I can, squeezing Peeta's hand as hard as I can, I let out a relieved sigh. Every inch of fear and terror leaves my body once I hear the cries of our baby

"A girl" my mother smiles as she lays her on my chest, I can't contain myself and I burst out into tears, I didn't know I could love someone so fast... but I can, Peeta cuts the cord and takes her to get clean while I finish off the rest of the birth. By the time I've finished my shower, the sheets have been changed and the whole room is clear. I get in bed, wincing a bit but everything is better once Peeta walks in

"Your mom decided to give us a moment alone before she shows us everything" he says softly, he comes into bed and places her in my arms 

"We didn't get to discuss names" he whispers stroking her tiny scrunched up fist

"I want her to be named after Prim... but I want her first name to be something different" we're silent for a moment before Peeta smiles 

"Willow. Like the willow tree in the meadow" Peeta says 

"Willow... that's perfect" I smile. Our first night we hardly get any sleep, Willow cries all night and by the morning I'm too exhausted to move, Peeta gets up and goes to the bakery though but it took a lot of convincing on my part. The whole day I can't believe that Willow is in my arms, I knew it was going to happen but I didn't realise that it would feel like this but it makes me smile at how early Peeta comes home, how bright his smile is when he sees a sleeping Willow in my arms.

"She's beautiful" he smiles 

"I love her... so much already" I admit 

"I do too. I didn't know I could love someone else this much..." he replies

"Neither did I" I smile as we both look down at her sleeping face.

There's many things that people don't know about Haymitch other than he's a drunk and seems to hate the world and everyone in it. I watch as he holds Willow, peoples assumptions about Haymitch are wrong because underneath that flawed exterior, there is a whole part of him that cares for the ones he loves and when Peeta placed Willow in his arms, I could tell that she fell into that category. 

"She must like you" Peeta grins as Willow wraps her fist tightly around his finger 

"What can I say? I'm charming" he replies which makes me scoff from amusement

"You not charmed, Sweetheart?" He grins, he knows I hate that name, I scowl at him 

"As charmed as a dead mouse" I tell him and he just laughs, our usual conversations are like this and although it may seem that Haymitch and I don't get along, this is just our dynamic and it suits us best.

* * *

Willow adores Peeta, she's always on his hip and cries every time he leaves for the bakery which caused us to take her with us. I hold onto her tightly as I walk in the cool water of the lake, she kicks her baby legs as she smiles, we decided to take Willow to the lake seeing as the hot weather makes it a perfect day to go for a swim and Peeta didn't object to the idea although we were cautious on how Willow would react but she loves the water.

"I'm so happy" Peeta smiles as he strokes Willows wet head as she feeds 

"I am too. She's getting too big..." I frown 

"I know... I refuse to believe it" he replies, he kisses her head softly and I smile, he's the greatest father and he has an unbreakable bond with Willow. He usually gets up at night to sooth her and it doesn't take long for her crying to subside only to fall back asleep in his arms.

I laugh as Willow's laughter fills the room as Peeta blows on her bare belly, she's been laughing all day and being the first day hearing it we can't get enough of the sound. Peeta goes to do it again, only this time she grabs his blonde hair and puts it to her mouth, I chuckle in amusement.

"She really is amazed by your hair" I grin

"Like mother like daughter" he grins back

"Peeta!" I scold

"Mommy didn't like that one, did she?" Peeta coos as he picks Willow up who just babbles

"Daddy better be careful or he won't see mommy like that anymore" I say raising my eyebrow, Willow giggles from her place on Peetas hip, sticking her fist in her mouth

"See, she agrees" I tell him, he grins down at Willow who lays her head on his chest and I smile.

"We don't get to do this often" Peeta says through our kiss 

"Well... why don't we do less talking and more kissing?" I tell him and take off my shirt, he groans before his hands reach to my breasts we hear Willows cry, I sigh and put my forehead against his

"I'll go get her" I sigh, I grab Willow and she continues crying until I get back into bed, she immediately latches on to feed, I smile down at her and look to Peeta

"She's growing everyday and I don't think I like it" Peeta sighs

"I know..." I frown. Johanna meets Willow for the first time, we meet Jo at the train station and she grins at Willow who has her head on Peeta's shoulder as she stares curiously at Johanna, Johanna tells us about how her life has been nothing but boring although she talks like she doesn't enjoy herself living alone.

"Interesting to see. Katniss Mellark, married and with a kid" Johanna teases 

"Trust me, it's hard to believe sometimes. I don't regret it though" I smile down at Willow as she feeds, I stroke the soft skin of her leg

"I don't think I'll ever have children..." she chuckles 

"I thought that too" I grin 

"Yeah that's because lover boy has a silver tongue" she remarks 

"Partly because of that. Mostly because I really did want kids" I reply truthfully

"Sounds like you two" Johanna chuckles and I smile. Johanna sets up in our spare room which is next to Willows room, I lay my head on Peetas chest and sigh, I feel bad for Johanna... she's all alone in Seven, at least with Annie she has Flynn and my mother but Johanna doesn't have anyone.

"I think Johanna is lonely" I say rubbing his bare chest 

"I think so too" he sighs 

"Well, what can we do?" I ask sitting up on my side, he sighs 

"I don't know. Maybe talk to her tomorrow, she could stay here in Twelve" he replies, I nod and lay back down. Johanna and I walk around the town which is thriving better than it ever has, stalls are constantly open and getting business, people seem to be in a better mood.

"You know, you can stay here with us. Peeta and I consider you as a friend" I tell her 

"No, I'm fine in Seven. I'll just visit more often" 

"We really won't mind. We have enough room" I explain 

"Trust me, I really am fine. Besides, I wouldn't want to hear you two love birds at night" she grins, I roll my eyes 

"So he takes Willow to the bakery?" Johanna asks with a raised eyebrow

"Yeah. It's like a bonding thing for them" I smile as I look at the little clothing

"You know, I at some point disliked you" Johanna admits as we walk to the bakery 

"When?" I ask with a raised eyebrow

"Since I watched your first Games. I didn't like how you acted in love just to get out but you proved me wrong later that it was there. Deep down" she replies 

"When'd you see it?" 

"When Peeta, Annie and I were rescued. The way you looked after he choked you" she admits 

"Yeah... that was tough. He still feels bad about that" I sigh 

"I'm sure he will for his whole life but that's Peeta for you" she says as we walk into the bakery, Peeta smiles and comes out from the counter so we can share a kiss, I take Willow who yawns and lays her head on my chest 

"I'll get her home. I'll see you later" I tell him, he nods and I kiss his cheek.

* * *

Our lips touch hungrily as my hands run down Peeta's chest, it's one of those rare moments where we can be so intimate, his hands run down my bare back as he bites and sucks at my neck. I hold his head there and let a moan escape my lips, I can feel his grin, I break away to look at him with a raised eyebrow 

"What's so funny?" I ask with a raised eyebrow 

"Nothing. Just love that I'm the only one who can..." he thrusts himself inside me and I let out a squeak of pleasure. "Make that sound come out of you" he grins

"Mmm, keep forgetting I'm in control in this position" I whisper in his ear, going painfully slow by grinding myself against him 

"Well, I guess you can do what you want... I'm at your mercy" he grins and so do I but I pick up the pace, I dig my nails into his back as I let out a loud moan as his fingers join where we're joined. It's no surprised that the pleasure washes through me but Peeta flips us and begins his violent thrusting, he grips my thighs in a death grip, he calls out my name as he spills himself inside me, he collapses next to me with a sigh, both of us falling into a blissful sleep. I wake to Willow crying, Peeta sits up before I do.

"I'll go" he says putting on his boxers, I put on my pyjamas on before he comes in and when he does Willow has her fist in her mouth, he climbs into bed away from the November chill. He lays her between us, I rub her warm back with a sigh 

"Mother said a temperature is normal but it still scares the hell out of me" I say in the darkness, I feel Peeta's hand go over mine 

"Me too but she'll be fine" he reassures me, Willow lets out a whimper and so I decide to start singing the meadow song, I smile when I hear both Willow and Peetas soft snores. I realise that if Willow were to be born during the Games, moments like these would've been filled with fear and heartache but it isn't that way, my heart bursts with love for the two of them.

I've started taking Willow with me on my hunting trips and it makes me smile at how happy she seems to be within the trees and wildlife. I let her crawl around but I watch over her like a hawk but she does nothing but giggle and babble. I get back to town only to find a commotion going on, I push through the crowd to see a man yelling at Peeta.

"You murdered my brother! Mitchell had a wife and son!" The man yells

"I'm sorry. Truly I am but it was something I couldn't control" Peeta replies but the man scoffs 

"Maybe your wife would've been better off dead" I gasp, Peeta meets my eyes

"Leave her out of this" Peeta warns 

"No I won't. I just find it a shame your daughter will have a bunch of criminals as parents" Peetas fists clenches at his sides as he keeps in the anger 

"Hey! You can blame me or Peeta all you want but don't you bring an innocent baby into this. Shame on you" I scowl coming to Peetas side. "I knew your brother, he was quiet but kind. He could've kept running and let Peeta kill me but he didn't. If it weren't for him we wouldn't be living in this new world" I tell him, finally Thom appears out of the crowd 

"Come on, time for you to go" he motions Mitchell's brother away and he storms off, pushing violently through the crowd. The crowd eventually breaks apart but as I look into Peetas eyes I see just how much it affected him

"Peeta..." he turns to me and gives me a small smile 

"It's okay... take her home" he says, he kisses my forehead then goes into the bakery, I go to walk after him but Thom puts his hand on my shoulder 

"I'll watch out for him" he replies and I nod, worryingly looking at the bakery before walking home, holding tight to Willow. The night soon comes and I'm pacing the room whilst glancing at the time, Peeta should've been home an hour ago... my mind instantly goes to worst case, what if he's ran from having a flashback? What if Mitchell's brother has hurt him? What if he's... I sit on the couch and try to shake the idea out of my head. Willow crawls over to me, laying her head on my foot, I let out a sigh and pick her up.

"Daddy is fine... he's going to be home..." it isn't until I've put Willow to sleep that I hear the front door open, I leave her room, furious. I storm down the stairs, thinking to myself how this is acceptable?

"Seriously Peeta you--" I stop when I see Thom 

"It's Peeta. He's still at the bakery just... sitting and staring off into space, I can't get him to move" I let out a sigh

"Okay... do you mind just staying here? I don't want to have to wake Willow" I tell him and he nods. I walk as fast as I can to the bakery and eventually find Peeta on the kitchen floor, looking exactly as Thom said

"Peeta?" He looks to me and even my heart hurts at seeing the pain in his usual bright blue eyes 

"I don't deserve you" he mumbles 

"We've been over this wha--"

"Thats not the point, Katniss!" He says getting up, I'm taken aback at his raised voice. "I killed someone intentionally. Who have you killed that you actually had a choice in?" He says, I scowl 

"That's not fair, Peeta. We both in a way have done that. How many people got killed because of me?! Finnick! Cinna! The Legg twins! Boggs! Pri-" I stop myself. "I've suffered losses that haunt me even today but I move on. We've had this conversation before, Peeta. So don't you dare ask me something like that when you already know the answer" I scowl, I turn to walk away but his warm hand takes mine, immediately calming the fire that's still raging.

"You're right. I'm sorry I said that... it's just... I'm not as strong as you are and I just... want to be good enough for you, good enough for Willow" he frowns, I grab his face in my hands firmly so he's looking into my eyes 

"You are good enough, Peeta. Like I've said before, we can't change the past but what you can do is be present for our daughter, for me. Don't let it take you from me again" I whisper, he kisses me 

"I won't. I'll never leave you again. I'm sorry I worried you" he sighs 

"It's fine. I'm just relieved that you're okay" 

"I am now" he says with a small smile.

* * *

"Mommy! Daddy! Time to wake up!" The jumping on our bed makes me groan, I hear Peeta let out a groan of pain as she jumps on his stomach 

"Daddy you promised you'd make breakfast" I open one eye to see her scowling at him, I grin 

"Alright but let me wake up first, Precious" he chuckles 

"I will get the ingredients!" She calls out as she leaves the room, I hear Peeta sigh and pull me to him, I open my eyes to see his grinning face 

"Morning, Beautiful" he grins kissing up my neck

"Morning. You know... Willow will get impatient" I sigh

"Just a little appreciation for you" he grins then kisses me, I roll my eyes 

"When are you not?" I tease, he chuckles then gets up. I eventually follow, rubbing my bump that's finally starting to show. It came as a surprise to Peeta when I blurted that I wanted another baby, he of course had nothing against it. It was hard to conceive when we had Willow who is old enough to open doors but every chance we got we took and we're both sure that our second one was conceived in the lake during a night swim.

"Mommy look!" I smile at the sight of our daughter standing on one of the kitchen chairs next to Peeta

"You're doing amazing" I kiss the top of her head before wiggling into Peetas side which causes him to chuckle, he kisses the side of my head before telling Willow how to flip the flat liquid. I braid Willow's hair at the table as we wait for Peeta to finish getting dressed.

"Will they like me at school?" Willow asks turning in her seat once I finished her second braid

"Of course they will. They'd be silly not to. Don't forget though, speak up if someone isn't being nice to you" I tell her and she nods

"Like you did to the mean old man and lady?" She says and I nod with a small smile, Peeta and I decided to tell her the non violent parts of our past, she understands we played a part in why the world is the way it is but she only knows to a certain extent. 

Peeta and I walk hand in hand as Willow skips in front of us, we near the school and she looks at the building curiously before looking at Peeta and I. I kneel down to her level then I adjust the strap of her bag on her shoulder. 

"We'll be right here to pick you up. Be good, okay?" I tell her 

"It's okay, Mommy. I always am" she smiles 

"I know you are" I reply hugging her, I kiss her cheek before standing, Peeta picks her up and spins her around which causes her to giggle. They have their own parting moment before he hesitantly puts her down, he then puts his arm around my waist as we watch our daughter walk up to the double doors, she turns and waves at us with a big smile, we return it before she enters the building

"I miss her already" I frown, he sighs and kisses the side of my head 

"Me too, Katniss. Me too" I go with Peeta to work at the bakery knowing that time would pass much slower if I stayed at home but still with the constant movement at the bakery, my eyes keep finding the clock on the wall, slowly ticking, mocking my impatience. By the time comes to pick Willow up, I'm dragging Peeta's arm through the door and we make our fast paced walk to the school, we are one of the early ones but I still can't seem to keep still. 

"Katniss" Peeta chuckles putting his arm around my waist to calm my movements

"I'm nervous. What if she had a bad day? What i--"

"Then we'll deal with it. No need to worry, My Love" he says kissing my forehead, I immediately relax and sigh, the chime of a bell rings and I look eagerly to the doors that open, swarm of children come running out and I search until I see her braids waving in the air as she giggles with the dark skinned girl next to her.

"Mommy! Daddy!" She runs and hugs me, I thank my family in the sky for looking out for Willow

"How was your day?" I ask with a smile as Peeta picks her up and kisses all over her face 

"Daddy!" She laughs, he stops and she looks to me. "We learnt how to count to ten today! And I learnt a new song" she beams, Peeta chuckles at her enthusiasm which is much like him, we get to the Victor's Village and Haymitch sits on a chair on his porch and Willow runs to him

"Grandpa Haymitch!" She squeals I grin at how he doesn't grumble anymore about her calling him that, when she first called him that he had told Peeta and I to get her to call him just Haymitch but the more she called him that, the happier he seemed to get

"There she is!" He smiles, lifting her onto his lap, Peeta puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me against him 

"We've done well, real or not real?" I look into his blue eyes that I love so much and kiss him 

"Definitely real"

Months go on and Willow continues to enjoy school, I however was ordered by my mother to stop working and relax at home, I find it hard to relax when my belly is so huge that I can no longer see my feet. It has been a lot more easier to carry this baby, not that Willow was difficult, that pregnancy was quite pleasant but I was terrified the entire time, I didn't know how to be a mother nor did I understand in detail the months of pregnancy. 

I'm still terrified but this time around I'm relaxed... I don't wince when the baby kicks out of the blue, Willow is the one who loves getting the baby to kick, she finds it fascinating although Peeta and I enjoy seeing our daughter so excited to be having a sibling, it reminds me of how I was when Prim was on her way... what my father told me.

_"Daddy... will you forget me when the baby comes?" Katniss frowns as her father tucks her in_

_"Of course not, Katniss. When this baby comes that means you'll be their big sister. You must help me protect your sister or brother. As of tomorrow, I will take you into the woods with me, I made you this" he pulls the bow and arrows from under her bed, small enough for her to use, she sits up with a gasp_

_"Remember, these are not toys. They are only used for survival only" he explains_

_"It's amazing" she smiles. "Did you make it?" She asks, he grins and nods_

_"You're going to go on and do amazing things Katniss. You have the right fire to change this world some day. Do what you have to do to make this world better" he tells her kissing her forehead_

_"Can I come trade with you at the bakery?" She asks, her father looks at her with a knowing smile_

_"Of course. He has a son whom you may be able to play with"_

_"I love you, Daddy"_

_"I love you, more than you'll ever know" he kisses all over Katniss's face causing her to laugh_

The memory brings tears to my eyes, it hurts a little thinking of the memories I have of him but I can never think of any negative memories. He was always the voice of reason, seemed to calm my mother before she got too angry and he never raised his voice to Prim nor I, the way he spoke seemed like he knows we could make better choices. He taught me many helpful lessons in the woods and those are memories that I cherish forever. 

"What you thinking about?" Peeta asks as he gets into bed 

"My dad... I feel like he knew something was going to happen between you and I" I admit 

"Really? How so?" Peeta smiles 

"I'm not sure, he'd talk about you sometimes. I always played it off as him wanting to have a son but looking back... it didn't seem the case" I reply 

"It feels like those days were just yesterday. I use to always get nervous when you came in with your dad. I had no idea what to say, every single time you made me clam up by just walking into the room" he says, I bite my lip to hide my smile although I'm unsuccessful

"My dad would've loved you" I sigh bringing his lips to mine 

"He was a great man, Katniss" Peeta says

"As are you" I smile and he does too, I pull him back down for a kiss and although I am not up for sex, I still enjoy his intoxicating kisses that leave me aching for him even though I am not up for it, he leaves me squeezing my legs shut to keep the hunger at bay. 

It starts in the middle of the night, Peeta calmly tells my mother in the other room that it's time and she comes in fully prepared. It brings me back to when I went through this stage with Willow, the scale of being terrified went through the roof but this time I feel more calm... like I can handle it, the pain however... it is something I most certainly do not miss. Willow gets woken from the commotion, worried but Peeta quickly takes her out of the room to sooth her. 

"Mom..." she pats my sweating forehead with a cool cloth. "I never really got to thank you, for being my mother again. You weren't perfect but... you were a good one and I'm grateful to have you still alive" I admit, she smiles at me with tears that she refuses to let out 

"I will always love you, Katniss. So much" she says kissing my forehead. This baby takes a lot longer to push out, mom smiles at the fact that it seems like it wants to stay as close to Katniss as it can. A lot more pushes and the baby lets out a round of cries. 

"It's a boy" mom announces laying him on my chest, like for Willow, I cry looking at him because I have so much love for him already. His crying has gone and instead has his hand pressed against my heart, I look to Peeta and we share a kiss before looking down at our son. Once everything is all clean and I'm in bed, my mother gives me our son who immediately latches on the my breast to feed, I smile down at him after my mother leaves. 

"Seems like he's evening out the playing field" I grin stroking the blonde hair on his head, Peeta chuckles 

"Blondes and brunettes. Willow will be happy, she kept talking about how much she wants a little brother" Peeta grins, I smile and kiss his lips. Willow loves her brother as soon as she lays eyes on him, she never leaves my side and even puts up a fight during bedtime which results in Peeta, like always, giving in and letting Willow sleep in our bed, snuggling as close to me as she can.

"We've made a habit of not discussing names" I chuckle, I look as Peeta lays on his back, half of Willows body is on his and he rubs her back affectionately 

"Well, what were we thinking?" Peeta grins

"Did you have any traditional names?" I ask laying back into bed after laying our son in his bassinet by the bed

"Not really. My dad's name was Rye which was passed down to my oldest brother, that's as traditional as it got"

"Then we'll name him Rye Arrow. My dad's name..." I smile at the usual name but it's a name that my dad was proud of because it made him different, he was different

"Rye Arrow Mellark. I feel so complete, Katniss" he sighs, I smile 

"So do I, Willow and Rye... they were our missing pieces. Our charms to get us through the day" I sigh

"I love that you're their mother, that you chose to be with me" he admits 

"I love you, thank you... for everything" I reply, kissing him before cuddling close to Willow, letting myself be drawn into a peaceful dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Am I in trouble?" Willow asks as we sit her at the table

"No. We just need to have a talk" I tell her

"Okay..." I look to Peeta and nod, he nods in return 

"By now you've heard of the Hunger Games and well... your mother and I decided to tell you about it. About everything" Peeta dives into the explanation, starting with the very first reaping, he pauses every now and again to make sure she understands it. I'm nervous the entire time he explains it, he then tells her about what he went through in the Capitol and I told her what it was like in Thirteen, how Twelve was bombed. 

I had to tell her about when Peeta and I met again when he was rescued because he could hardly utter a word, afraid of his daughter's judgement. When it comes to explaining Prim's death, Peeta interlocks our hands and gives me a gentle squeeze and for the first time in years, I speak about her death but it was hard. I told her of my depression and how her father brought me out of it then he explains what treatment he went through in order to return to me. 

"Do you have any questions?" Peeta asks 

"Um, what does it feel like now? Having your bad memories?" 

"It's more like flashes, that's why I need to hold onto something or why I come home late sometimes"

"Is that what your nightmares are about?" She asks me 

"That or me losing you and your brother or losing your father" I answer, Willow suddenly stands and for a moment I think she's going to get up and leave but instead she sits on Peeta's lap and pulls me closer, we both embrace her 

"You're both my parents and I always thought you were brave. This just makes you braver, I love you guys" she admits and I kiss her cheek 

"I love you so much. Thank you for understanding" I reply 

"I am so lucky to have my two ladies who I love" that's when Rye comes barging in from the front door, covered in dirt and also leaving a dirt trail, he also stinks which makes me scowl because I know exactly what's happened

"Mommy, grandpa Haymitch let me play with the geese" he giggles

"Not to mention your brother" I grin getting up, Willow giggles from Peetas lap 

"Come on Rye" I chuckle, our son is often bouncing off the walls and although he's different from his quiet and calm sister, I wouldn't want him any other way. I tuck Rye into bed after Peeta and Willow kiss him goodnight.

"I'm not sleepy, Mommy" he yawns 

"Really?" I grin and he nods 

"I want to sleep with you" he frowns 

"Oh I wish you could but I have to sleep with daddy" I tell him

"It's okay! I can sleep with you and daddy" he grins, I laugh which makes him giggle 

"I think it's best you stay in your bed. How about you come into our bed in the morning?" I compromise 

"Okay" he sighs. "Can you sing?" His eyes brighten as I nod

" _Deep in the meadow, under the willow._  
 _A bed of grass, a soft green pillow._  
 _Lay down your head, and close your eyes._  
 _And when they open, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, and here it's warm._  
 _Here the daisies guard you from every harm._  
 _Here your dreams are sweet, and tomorrow brings them true_  
 _Here is the place where I love you._ "

I smile at his sleeping face, his hand tightly around my own. Since birth Rye was attached at my hip, he cried when I put him down and even when he learnt to walk there were times where he'll be fine but then want me to carry him again. I slowly seperate our hands and before I rise I kiss his forehead then leave his room, shutting the door behind me, I peer into Willows room to see her asleep, I walk over and kiss her forehead too, her eyes are open when I lift my face from hers. 

"I love hearing your voice" she smiles and I smile back 

"I love singing to you two" I reply 

"Will you and dad be okay?" She asks, my heart flutters at her concern, it makes me glad that she doesn't see us any differently

"We're going to be just fine. We have loving children and each other to get us through the bad days" I smile and she does too 

"I love you, mom. Can you stay till I fall asleep?" She asks and I nod 

"Always" I lay with her, combing through her hair until she's asleep. I walk into my room and Peeta is sketching in bed, I climb in next to him and lay my head on his shoulder.

"Rye wanted to sleep with us again" I grin, Peeta chuckles, he puts his sketching away and moves me to his lap

"Well... night time is my time" he mumbles as he kisses my neck 

"I'm all yours" I grin bringing our lips together, even all these years later Peeta tells me how much he loves my body how it's especially perfect, having carried our two children. I couldn't imagine life without him, without my dandelion, a yellow spring everyday I wake up.


End file.
